funny 4 life

placeholder wrote:West Memphis, Arkansas unsurprisingly smells like that as well. It's like crossing over the Mississippi river and landing in an open sewer.

no, it's not LIKE that...it is...literally...

And I thought we were bad















ps. They have a sound clip for each day where if you're a member, you get to vote on it. I truly hate the internet now.

I'm often still awake when my stepdad gets up for work at 5:30am. My room is a converted garage off the kitchen. I hear him in there making toast before work.

Every morning the first thing he does when he gets to the kitchen is farts. And they sound vile. What's amusing though is that sometimes he sounds generally shocked by them: "OH!" "Oooh, excuse me" "Whooops".



What's the ass mic?

We have hardwood floors, and not a lot of chairs. Sometimes we sit on the floor around a low round table playing games or something. If you are sitting on the hardwood floor, and you sort of lean to one side, lifting one cheek off the floor, and let one go, it reverberates the length and breadth of the house - it's really impressive. Eh, maybe not that impressive. But cool.

When in Lansing...

Once I had a really hot African American student named Rozz, who everybody in the class was infatuated with. The fact that she'd fled Cabrini-Green for southwestern Missouri and hardly ever spoke at all only added to her allure.

One day we went outside and just wrote for twenty minutes or so, then read the results aloud. I don't remember what Rozz wrote about, but somewhere in the midst of her freewrite was this unforgettable analogy:

I had a real bad feelin'--like when you fart, and a little poop juice slips out.

Brett Eugene Ralph wrote:Once I had a really hot African American student named Rozz, who everybody in the class was infatuated with. The fact that she'd fled Cabrini-Green for southwestern Missouri and hardly ever spoke at all only added to her allure.

One day we went outside and just wrote for twenty minutes or so, then read the results aloud. I don't remember what Rozz wrote about, but somewhere in the midst of her freewrite was this unforgettable analogy:

I had a real bad feelin'--like when you fart, and a little poop juice slips out.

Damn brett...narsty.

Once again, you're a top storyteller.

I had two friends in high school...

one whenever he farted would immediately mutter "What'd that asshole say?"

the other claimed to fart on command by pinching a vein in his cheek.

When I went back to New York last year, I properly neglected to ask the latter to do this in front of his wife.

Anyway,
farting at home: not crap
girlfriend farts and then laughs: not crap
farting by yourself, and being appalled by the smell to laughter: not crap.
Farting unapologetically in the workplace: CRAP.

dylan, care to chime in on a certain I.P. and his uncontrollable flatulence?

My dad always tells this story about a record he had as a kid about a farting contest. The contestants' names were Paul Boomer and Lord Windesmere (or something).

He's been trying to track down that record for a while now.......


This thread made me laugh so hard I cried. I'm just resurrecting it as someone else might need a good laugh.

I was working at wood shop a few years ago, and figured since everybody's nostrils were clogged up anyhow, just letting it slide would be alot better than abdominal pain.
I was wrong.










But, man, I had to laugh like hell.

full point wrote:My dad always tells this story about a record he had as a kid about a farting contest. The contestants' names were Paul Boomer and Lord Windesmere (or something).

He's been trying to track down that record for a while now.......

Look up 'Le Petomane'

As far as farting being funny....one of my greatest pleasures in life was back when I worked at the CBOT on the elevator going up to the offices after work on the floor was over...it's filled with me and 15 millionaire assholes, I let a nice long slow stinking fart out just as the doors close to take us up to the 42nd floor, a good 2 minute ride, I just sit back and listen to them piss and moan and cry, get REAL angry and start accusing each other, threatening violence....anything I can do to make a bunch of rich assholes days a little worse, I feel it is my duty