I'll keep it short, but I had a dream I was staying the night my friend's grandmas house because we worked together and we're gonna leave the house around 4 in the morning.

It was about 3 in the morning in my dream and my friend, myself and what I could only describe as some fat gay dude with some kind of teira around his forhead sitting across the coffee table talking to my friend.

My friend then tells the guy to "show Anthony what you can do, he won't believe it". So this fat gay dude (for some reason In the dream I though he was a witch) looks over to me and says "If I do this, you cannot mention this to anyone. Don't even think about it to yourself".

So I complied and he put these corn tortilla sized ruffle potato chips in a pile on the table with some kind of dried up dead roachs about 3 1/2 inches long mixed in with the chips. We all started eating the chips and the bugs. The next thing I remember was the couch I was kinda laying on stayed in place while the ground was dropping about a half a foot per second. The coffee table and the fat gay dude were staying in place as well.

As all this shit was happening I felt high (like a comfortable mushroom high) and this fat dude told me to turn around and look behind me. Behind me was what looked like an ocean with a still dark blue herizon that he called a lake. He pointed way off into the horizon and turned my attention to a little bouy a couple miles out in the water. He said we were gonna go hang out there in a couple of seconds. He started to explain that the couch I was laying on will turn into a little wooden bench about a yard long and half a foot long. Apparently I was supposed to straddle this thing like if you where to go horse back riding.

He started explaining that "If you don't land properly, there's nothing I can do for you". The ground was sinking while all of this was happening. The next thing I know I'm straddling this little bench blasting through trees and ocean at what felt like 100 mph. I was extremely high in the air as we approached this little fortrest in the middle of an ocean with walls and an entrance (which made no sense their was no roof and the walls weren't very high) As I approached this fortrest my friend and that dude have already landed and it looks like they were waste deep in already dried asphalt.

I started to drop to the ground fast as hell and there were a bunch of white stains on the asphalt that looked like spilled weathered paint. It was dirty and shit. I landed directly on top of one of these spots by sheer luck and the asphalt turned into ocean water. and I sunk half of my body into the water sitting on this little bench like how you sit on a surf board waiting for a set to come in.

The fat dude, my friend and myself where talking a couple seconds after I hit the asphalt then water. The witch dude said "Looks like you barely made it". I didn't understand what he was talking about until I woke up and started thinking about what I was just dreaming about. So it's about 3 something in the morning and there is no shore as far as I can see as we were sitting here in this "lake". I was leaning up against one of the 4 ft. high stone walls that came out of the water and Apparently I wasn't paying attention but the fat witch guy said a joke and he started to laugh (only he laughed) and started sinking into the water. My friend and I were confused, but then he submerged from the water a couple minutes later and that's all I can really remember of that.

There's a lot more shit I could write about it but I wanted to keep it as short as possible. Sometimes I wake up feeling more tired then when I go to sleep. I pretty much remember all my dreams the morning they happen and a couple were so werid that I've remembered them up until now.

This dream was two nights ago.

I made naughty with Natalie Portman a few weeks ago.

After watching Eastern Promises I had some patchy dream about Russian gangsters whose ritual killings involved stuffing a dead dog inside a human body and inside the dog, a cat and inside the cat lots of little birds containing lots of flying insects.


DON'T DO DRUGS KIDS. IT'S NOT WORTH IT.

Mmmm... Turducken.

I dreamt that someone really irritating at my work had been made redundant. Very disappointed when I woke up and discovered it wasn't true.

I dreamt that I was at my parents' house and it was Christmas time. I was looking at my keyboard in the lounge, when I found a secret compartment on the back containing, amongst other objects, a potato peeler, an ice cream glass, a headphone adapter, an apple and a hi-hat stand that could be folded down to the size of a credit card. For some reason this made me ridiculously happy.

Then some family friends came over for mince pies and mulled wine. I was surprised when I saw that Victoria Beckham was amongst them. She then proceeded to give a presentation of an in-depth analysis of statistics relating to numbers of goals scored during certain periods in a football match. She was drawing all these really complex graphs on a flip chart and everyone was dead impressed. She kept saying how much it annoyed her when people presumed she knew nothing about football but I could see from where I was that she was just tracing over pre-existing faint lines on the paper.

I decided to leave, taking the apple I'd found behind the secret panel on my keyboard. In the street I was accosted by someone wishing to buy the apple from me - but they were insisting that it was in fact a cat. I tried to point out that it was clearly an apple, but they wouldn't listen. In the end I agreed to sell them the apple, but explained that it might not act as one would typically expect of a cat - don't expect it to eat cat food or curl up on your lap. They didn't seem to mind and gave me £15 for it, and then walked off down the street stroking the apple fondly and giving it little kisses. I watched on bemused, and feeling absolutely lost.


Dreams.... What. The. Fuck.

I dreamed that my wife told me she was having an affair with a member of Take That named Mark Bickle and would soon be leaving me.

I then woke, and on returning to sleep dreamed that I told my wife about this previous dream and so disgusted was she by the inanity of the earlier dream that she immediately left me.

When I woke, I told my wife about the two dreams but as yet she hasn't announced anything particularly major apart from the honey suckle having blown down during last night's gales.

I dreamed I was in Wales camping on the beach with a bunch of immigrants and fashion students. Whatever. Then just before I woke up, I had returned from this camping trip and the back garden was now a tunnel of ivy. The neighbours had fixed the fence that had blown down in the gales and my mum had strung string across the tops of the fences creating a green idyll/beer garden and there was even ivy growing up the lawn...

I dreamed that I was following Kenny Loggins around town on foot. He looked really happy and was waving to people, snapping his fingers, just generally being jolly. I stayed about 4 paces behind him like a one-man entourage. Eventually, I realized we were walking to Madison Square Garden. Then I realized we were walking INTO Madison Square Garden.

Without changing expression or stride, Kenny and I walk into MSG, which is packed with screaming fans, practically skip down a central aisle, all the way to the front of the stage. Kenny gets up onstage and greets the crowd. Meanwhile, I spot a chair that's sitting completely alone a mere 3 feet from stage, all other seats cleared away from it in a wide, empty circle, and take my seat.

Thank christ I woke up before Kenny started serenading me.

A few nights ago I dreamt that my mum was tattooing a massive dragon on me that took up most of my chest. Jungian symbolism is infesting my dream space it seems.

A couple of months ago I dreamt I was with my ex girlfriend and I'd got her pregnant. It was worrying at first but then turned into something wonderful. A couple of days later I found out she was seeing her friend from work, from maybe when we were still together (i still don't know) and had been lying and keeping it from me.

Dreams can be really rubbish.