I was on a winter holiday in France and was sharing a chalet with lots of people I'd never met before. We were a pretty social bunch and played games like Rounders (sort of like softball) and Pictionary. There was one guy who was a little older than us who could not understand the concept of either game. I mean they are pretty simple, right? Turns out he was doctor.

I reckon he'd just lead a very sheltered life.

Colonel Panic wrote:So I replied in a joking tone, "Well, just make sure you always wear protection. You know how <bandmate> is."

To which she replied, "Oh I hate it when guys wear those things. They make it feel all... smooth and weird. Might as well just use a dildo or something. Condoms are gross."

Kind of surprised at her reaction, I asked "OK well I hope you're at least on the pill?"

She said "Nope. Just cigarettes!" And she raised her cigarette to show me that she was indeed smoking.

I laughed and said, "Smoking isn't birth control." to which she replied, "Yeah, it decreases a woman's fertility. You didn't know that?"

I thought she was messing with me. I honestly thought there was no way this chick could be that dumb.

I was dating a girl who would beg for me not to pull out, just go ahead and give her the spoonfull....when questioned about the even stronger risk of pregnancy than what we were already doing she told me that there's no way she could get pregnant since we were fucking so much so I might as well just let go inside her without having to worry.
Ok, I'll explain. She somehow got it into her head that if a man ejaculates once he cannot physically get someone pregnant for 24 hours after.
She sat there telling me this with that 'you didn't know this? what, are you stupid?' look on her face.
Man, was she stupid. REALLY attractive, though.

Marsupialized wrote:

NerblyBear wrote:I knew a guy in a philosophy class in college who was a creationist. He said he had irrefutable scientific proof that, just as Genesis says, there are fossils of human giants who existed in the time of Adam and Eve.

That guy was definitely stupid. Can't think of anyone else as egregious as that.

a Christian friend of mine once told me that dinosaur bones are actually the remains of demons killed by angels in some pre-history war between good and evil.
He really thought this and found shit in the bible that told him this and would show people and rant and rave about it.

I had this same conversation with a roommate once. We'd been roomies for like 3 months--and I'd known him for over a year--and I never knew he was a fundamentalist Christian. I mean, he used to drink, take drugs, sleep around, steal stuff... He's the last person I'd have pegged for a holy-roller.

Anyway, we'd bought this grand piano off some people out in the suburbs and were driving it back to the city in a van. I had NPR on the radio, and they were running a story on about one of Stephen Jay Gould's books. Suddenly, this guy flies into a tirade about "evolutionists" and how they think they know everything.

I was like, "Evolutionists... You mean, like scientists?"

He said, "Yeah they say they know all this stuff, they say the world is millions of years old, but they weren't there to see any of it, were they? Nobody was. So how do they know?"

Figuring I'm game for this, I started to explain some of the practices of geology, chemistry & physics that allow them to date fossils, how careful observation of the anatomy of various animals can tell us a lot about how they relate to one another...

Then he stopped me and said that stuff is all lies. "It's the Devil's work, trying to confuse us and lead us away from the Kingdom of God."

I was dumbfounded. I thought I knew this guy. Now here I was driving down the expressway with him in a van, with a big piano in the back which we'd both pooled our money to purchase... I was living under the same roof with this guy, and he's a fucking evangelical Christian nut-job.

Suddenly, Bill Hicks pops into my head. The perfect response! I ask him: "OK I have just a one-word question for you then. Dinosaurs."

"What about them?"

"Where did they come from? You cannot deny they existed. I'll drive this van right down LSD to the Field Museum and show you the fossilized remains. Where did the dinosaurs come from, if the Earth is only a few thousand years old? Did God put them there to test us and weed out the marginally unfaithful?"

His reply was typical, and all the more infuriating for being so: "No.. NO. God wouldn't do that to us. God loves us. God is our father. He'd never do something like that. But you know who would..."

"Satan?!? Satan is the creator of the dinosaurs? He put the fossilized bones in the ground to fuck with us? You've got to be kidding me!"

"The world is Satan's domain, God resides in Heaven, and in all of us, if we'll let him." At that moment, all my respect for the guy went right out the fucking window. I later found out he happens to be a "Seventh-Day Adventist", whatever the hell that means.

This might clear things up a bit, Panic

http://www.angelfire.com/mi/dinosaurs/behemoth.html

AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!

IDIOTS!!!

On reflection, the most incredibly moronic behaviour that I have ever witnessed was executed by me.

<rant> i just wrote this fucking long fucking thing and I had to clear my fucking cookies in the middle of it because of one of the dumbasses I was writing about and then I lost it all. goddamnit- who is the dummy now?</rant>

sparky wrote:On reflection, the most incredibly moronic behaviour that I have ever witnessed was executed by me.

http://www.electrical.com/phpBB2/viewto ... 992#347992

Reading that thread reminds me that back in my high-school days a few friends and I used to do the same kind of stupid/dangerous chemistry pyro tricks as Steve and his brother.

In high school, we used to steal tiny pieces of potassium from the lab, wrap them in notebook paper and throw them into the bathroom sinks and urinals. I've also made the potassium permanganate/glycerine fires before, but our experiments were apparently nowhere near as advanced as those of the Albini twins.

I just want to keep posting dumb things I did as a kid, like looking down a pipe I had just thrown a bottle rocket into, but I guess that's for another thread.

My best friend and I in high school convinced our other best friend that jackalopes are real.

The dumbest mother fucker I ever knew?

I was a mechanic at a Toyota dealer in 1988. There was another mechanic there named Gary Castle. Gary was 27 at the time I met him. He was from rural Tennessee. Gary was a member of the Ku Klux Klan. Gary was also illiterate. All he knew how to write was his name, and he could write "Lube, oil and filter."
Gary was married to a nasty cow of a woman, and he had 2 small boys. They lived in a trailer. Gary spent a good portion of their grocery money each week on No Tell motel rooms, as he would go to them to fuck a couple different office skanks. He bragged about it constantly.
There were a number of black guys working at the place, and Gary was more than polite to them, face to face. He was almost ass-kissing nice to them, in fact. Behind their backs it was another story, as you might imagine.

I once asked Gary what he had against black people. His response? That they don't take care of their families.

I don't know how well this story rates compared to other dumb mother fucker stories, because I didn't get to know Gary well enough to have better stories to tell about him. I am still pretty convinced he was the dumbest mother fucker I ever met in my life.