The MayorofRockNRoll wrote:emmanuelle cunt wrote:Tommy wrote:Do you want to fuck me?Sure. I could take it or leave it.Epic.Exactly. You said the right thing. She just didn't appreciate it.Pretty fucking spectacular, I gotta say.

honeyisfunny wrote:Until our hero returned from school the next day to find his parents had decided to have the dog put down. Best thing for it, at his age, shitting on the furniture.Sounds like they loved the sofa more than the dog. Sad.

honeyisfunny wrote:Anthony Flack wrote:honeyisfunny wrote:Until our hero returned from school the next day to find his parents had decided to have the dog put down. Best thing for it, at his age, shitting on the furniture.Sounds like they loved the sofa more than the dog. Sad.You don't know the East Midlands evidently.It's true!What's the relative status of dogs and sofas in the East Midlands?

I can think of a few sexual faux pas'es I'd like to commit to the mouths and anuses of that guy's parents. Fucking A.

eliya wrote:honeyisfunny wrote:... another 'accidental poop' story. ... our hero returned from school the next day to find his parents had decided to have the dog put down. Best thing for it, at his age, shitting on the furniture.This story sounds very similar to the fifth episode of the third season of the Inbetweeners. Was that friend of yours writing for the show?I read this story to my assistant manager this afternoon who grimaced at me disapprovingly.I said, "What? If you saw this on a sitcom you'd be laughing."She said, "Yeah, I probably would."Yeah, it's sad and all but I couldn't help but laugh.

honeyisfunny wrote:A few of these stories start with a this happened to a friend of mine' and this is no different but I can assure you it can be traced directly to it's origin. It is, however, another 'accidental poop' story. My bandmate's schoolfriend has just started in his first sexual relationship as a young man and, knowing his parents were going out for the evening, had invited his girlfriend over. They were going at it on the family sofa in the front room, a particularly tasteful white suede affair I should add. Overcome with their new-found excellence at sexual intercourse, the young couple decide to experiment with other close-by holes.Just as the act of penetration occurred, the young couple heard the front door open - the kid's parents had come home slightly earlier than expected. So, in a flowing reflex action, the couple quickly part, pull jeans etc up and sit suitably far apart on the white couch looking innocent.Parents enter, say hi and exchange small talk until all their eyes are slowly drawn to a single, tiny nugget of poo on the sofa between the young couple. (Around the size of a Toffifee for anyone familiar with the sweet)Thinking quickly and heroically, the kid slowly shakes his head and explains that the family dog had just shat on the pristine white sofa. Genius. He expands to say they had stopped him and shooed him off but one piece had dropped out. The dog's old, he can't help it. Poor thing.The parents bought it. A miracle had truly occurred. All was well.Until our hero returned from school the next day to find his parents had decided to have the dog put down. Best thing for it, at his age, shitting on the furniture.This story sounds very similar to the fifth episode of the third season of the Inbetweeners. Was that friend of yours writing for the show?

Tommy wrote:"Do you want to fuck me?""Sure. I could take it or leave it."Epic.

A few of these stories start with a "this happened to a friend of mine' and this is no different but I can assure you it can be traced directly to it's origin. It is, however, another 'accidental poop' story. My bandmate's schoolfriend has just started in his first sexual relationship as a young man and, knowing his parents were going out for the evening, had invited his girlfriend over. They were going at it on the family sofa in the front room, a particularly tasteful white suede affair I should add. Overcome with their new-found excellence at sexual intercourse, the young couple decide to experiment with other close-by holes.Just as the act of penetration occurred, the young couple heard the front door open - the kid's parents had come home slightly earlier than expected. So, in a flowing reflex action, the couple quickly part, pull jeans etc up and sit suitably far apart on the white couch looking innocent.Parents enter, say hi and exchange small talk until all their eyes are slowly drawn to a single, tiny nugget of poo on the sofa between the young couple. ("Around the size of a Toffifee" for anyone familiar with the sweet)Thinking quickly and heroically, the kid slowly shakes his head and explains that the family dog had just shat on the pristine white sofa. Genius. He expands to say they had stopped him and shooed him off but one piece had dropped out. The dog's old, he can't help it. Poor thing.The parents bought it. A miracle had truly occurred. All was well.Until our hero returned from school the next day to find his parents had decided to have the dog put down. Best thing for it, at his age, shitting on the furniture.

"arse falls out of arse" did stick with me somewhat also.

It's what prompted the telling of the story funnily enough...