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DrAwkward wrote: Sun Aug 01, 2021 5:19 pm Now i'm afraid i have completely forgotten how to talk to people in a bar scenario. Like, i'm still a little wigged out over it. "Hi, how ya been? Existential dread nonstop? Me too! Boy, this is weird being in here, right? OK, well, we're leaving, bye."

Cool. Cool cool cool.

I feel you on this. I can’t seem to find the sweet spot between talking too much and not talking enough. My partner is a social creature and likes to host gatherings at her place. We had a few dinner parties during the lull, and I couldn’t seem to dial it in.
I think everyone is pretty forgiving, at this stage.

The black dog came down hard on me in July. Went and saw my head doc a few days ago, and now I’m back on lexapro and ritalin. My testosterone is dreadfully low, but my insurance doesn’t cover testosterone therapy, and so this will have to do. I’ll be honest- I really don’t mind having low T, because my libido has often been the bane of my existence, but the low energy part kind of blows.

Keeping up the routines and rituals, but fuck me I'm in a trough at the moment. I think this deportation shit is just one strain too much to be carrying at the moment, and I'm really struggling to just keep working, which is the usual anchor.

jason from volo wrote: Tue Aug 03, 2021 8:17 amI think you are a writer (yes?)

Christ, I often wonder. I'm a filmmaker, who writes the fucking things while time is sucked up banging against the brick walls of getting the things made. I do far more writing than I wish to.

I know that comes from a place of kindness, but asking people to focus on something that excites doesn't click with severe depression. Nothing excites. Nothing anythings. That's the shadow it casts.

jason from volo wrote: Tue Sep 07, 2021 12:46 pm
My cynical impression of it so far is that it really is just someone who's trained to listen to you talk for an hour, while very occasionally asking questions, as some people had told me in the past. I guess I had higher expectations, perhaps unrealistic ones.

This never gets old.

A_Man_Who_Tries wrote: Tue Aug 03, 2021 10:39 am...asking people to focus on something that excites doesn't click with severe depression. Nothing excites. Nothing anythings. That's the shadow it casts.

Anhedonia, pretty much. Thankfully I don't get it too often, but it'll hit every now and then and I just have to let it pass through. Usually taking a nap is the best reset.

But I've found that in the second year of the pandemic what gets at me most isn't depression, or anxiety, but just sheer plain old tedium. This can manifest itself to the point that I become exhausted of others in anything but small doses. It's a character flaw for sure, but one I suspect isn't that uncommon.

jason from volo wrote: Tue Sep 07, 2021 5:53 pm

kicker_of_elves wrote: Tue Sep 07, 2021 3:21 pm This never gets old.

Replace Brad Goodman with an attractive woman and you basically have my situation. Particularly the "we cut back his drinking from 50 down to just one!". She said that was a more realistic expectation for me after I fell off the wagon again for the umpteenth time.

It's covered by insurance, save a small copay, so there's really very little harm in trying it for a while.

The most effective therapy technique I find myself coming back to is radical acceptance. Sometimes it drives my wife crazy, but there's only so much a person can do.

I got fired on Friday from a job I've had for 15 years. I was likely to quit soon anyway but it all came crashing down quick. Just starting to process it and it's weird. Was already in the middle of applying to something else which has renewed urgency. My wife is still working and we managed to save last year so short term outlook is ok. This is my first time being unemployed since i was 16 and do far its a lot of work. Looking forward to some calm and a chance to pick up some projects while i wait for the next job to come together. Not looking forward to everyone I know asking about what happened and having to talk about it repeatedly. Salt in the wound.

Anyway, other recently fired people, I am among you.

thecr4ne wrote: Sun Sep 12, 2021 12:09 am Not looking forward to everyone I know asking about what happened and having to talk about it repeatedly. Salt in the wound.

That's probably my least favorite part of getting fired. I mean, fuck it, I got fired. Now I have to talk about it too with others. Fuck that.

Anyway, good luck to you! You'll find a good one real quick on your economy.

I've found that since the pandemic hit, I've been engaging in a lot of bad habits that my mind seems perfectly content to keep engaging in (reclusiveness, binging on food and alcohol, spending too much time staring at screens) . So my brain is getting these little dopamine spikes and generally I don't feel very depressed, but my habits are that of a depressed person and my life is being affected negatively. I don't think I'm hopeless, but finding motivation has been difficult as my brain has cleverly learned to take any feeling of inspiration and use it to kick the can down the road ("tomorrow I'll...", "when summer is here I'll...", etc). So I basically have to jolt myself into action or find some higher purpose or meaning that kicks me back.

At the same time, whatever my baseline mental health was pre-pandemic also had its issues which spending a lot of time alone over the past year and a half has helped me navigate and figure out. So it hasn't all been for naught.