Premier Rock Forum

Arson Smith wrote:Ken-tucky Woman (she shines in her own kind of light): The people who shell out to *purchase and own* 'Girls Gone Wild' videos instead of having the decency and common-sense to just go rent a decent fuck-flick for a night or two, and who have subsequently made a millionaire out of that schmuck.

jb: The people who rent faces of death, thinking it will be a good scary movie to watch on halloween, then find themselves throwing up in the sink after only five minutes.

jw: People who would purchase an individually wrapped Chicklet with a fucking credit card if afforded the opportunity.

kenny for me: Rooting for the Yankees because they bought your favorite player.

the Classical wrote:kenny: a funny, attractive, intelligent person who, no matter what they do, smells fucking horrible all the time

Just Better: Going to an excellent new restaurant with a beautiful woman who is very attracted to you, but you have to read the menu to her because she suffers from severe dyslexia.
Just Worse: Growing to like your once bitter, hard-hearted grandfather after he's been softened up by Alzheimer's.

jupiter wrote:kenny for me: Rooting for the Yankees because they bought your favorite player.

Just Better: Purchasing a minivan in anticipation of the birth of your first child.
Just Worse: Watching WWII Nazi documentaries on "The History Channel" and cheering against the Jews.

Kenny: A ferriner mocking the beautiful state of Iowa by stating that it features "ugly, ill-furnished UPVC sheds-on-bricks" and practitioners of some creepy form of Christianity, when in fact Iowa is a state of honest, hardworking and tolerant people.

kenny: a funny, attractive, intelligent person, who no matter what they do smells fucking horrible, all the time

j.b. a two-legged dog with its back end in a little roller cart

j.w. a good-looking woman hanging a large boog

kenny for me: Rooting for the Yankees because they bought your favorite player.

j.b. watching jamie moyer win five games for the yankees in the playoffs

j.w. not having a nose

kenny?

you know those garbage barges that take trash from, like, vermont to some landfill in n.j.? well, you work on one of those. you're a garbageman, only on a boat.

tmidgett wrote:
kenny?

you know those garbage barges that take trash from, like, vermont to some landfill in n.j.? well, you work on one of those. you're a garbageman, only on a boat.

JB: being that guy, and not having a nose

JW: your wife threatens to stop having sex with you if you quit your job at the dildo factory.

kenny: the police using seatbelt laws as an excuse to set up road blocks.

kenny: the police using seatbelt laws as an excuse to set up road blocks.

JB : police using silly-string to frighten the people stopped at such roadblocks

JW : police using these roadblocks to get dates


the kizzle--WHAT!??! the kizzle--WHAT?!?!?

pork roast and au gratin potatoes

toomanyhelicopters wrote:kenny WHAT!??! kenny WHAT?!?!?

pork roast and au gratin potatoes

JB: a bbq-ed pork steak slathered in good sauce (preferably soaked in sauce at least one day prior to cooking)

JW: a "Reuben" I once saw advertised in a T.G.I.F. menu whose main ingredients were turkey and friggin' cole slaw (I'm not making this up - they had the balls to call it a reuben)

Ken I get a witness?: 'Rap Snacks' brand potato chips (especially 'Southern Crunk Barbeque' flavor)

Arson Smith wrote:Ken I get a witness?: 'Rap Snacks' brand potato chips (especially 'Southern Crunk Barbeque' flavor)

JB: "Classical" brand meat:

"Brisket by Bach"

"Mozart's Homestyle Meatloaf Dinner"

"Vivaldi's Own Venison"

"9th Symphony Steak Sauce"


JW: Reggae-flavored anything.


Shut yer gob ye f-ing bloody KENts:

That thing that happens with women, especially your special favorite woman, when you are supposed to completely and intuitively understand why something that you have been doing for months and years with no issue or complaint or lack of acceptance by your lovely special woman suddenly becomes the bane of all existence and causes your special sweet pumpkin to share meals in glowering spiteful silence because you are too dense to immediately understand how you are wrong.

**This Kenny Offering may have been inflated some for comedy's sake, but not by much.**

That thing that happens with women, especially your special favorite woman, when you are supposed to completely and intuitively understand why something that you have been doing for months and years with no issue or complaint or lack of acceptance by your lovely special woman suddenly becomes the bane of all existence and causes your special sweet pumpkin to share meals in glowering spiteful silence because you are too dense to immediately understand how you are wrong.

JB : when she isn't on her period

JW : when she doesn't get her period

just kiddin ladies. honest.

Qenny:

being at work on a friday night until after 1am

Kenny the keyboard typo: "teh" instead of "the"

JB: keyboard typo in which a word ending in the letter 't' comes before the word 'it', but being mistyped e.g. 'forget it' turns to 'forge tit'

Jw: people who type 'like' in all the places they say it in real life

being at work on a friday night until after 1am

JB: being at work on a friday night until one and...getting blowjobs the whole time (sorry i couldn't be more inventive)

JW: getting shot at work

Kenpo:
lunch break when you're a food taster for a living

Chris Hardings wrote:Kenpo:
lunch break when you're a food taster for a living

just better = a locksmith who has accidentally locked his keys in his car
just worse = a dentist with a cavity

Please, kenny:
- you lose a bet and are forced to spend the night in a teepee with Lou Diamond Phillips, no sexual connotations whatsoever, you just have to spend the night in a teepee with Lou Diamond Phillips