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I'd always heard this one told as: "9 out of 10 people enjoy Gang Rape". This makes it much more difficult joke to tell...misjudge the audience by just a little bit and you're done for the night.


Our drummer had decent luck with: "So Montana is big"

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
















Dr. Dre

What's brown and sticky?












A stick.

Knock Knock

Who's there?

The Sub-Prime Blowout And The Con Man Exodus

Fuck you Rick Reuben

A middle-aged woman is in the hospital for plastic surgery to tighten up her pussy and give it a more youthful look. For reasons of privacy, she kept the procedure a secret from all her friends and family except her husband. After the operation, she awakens to find herself surrounded by 3 beautiful bouquets of flowers. A few minutes later, a nurse enters her room and the lady asks, "Where did all these lovely flowers come from?"

The nurse replies, "Well, those over there are from the doctor. He says 'The operation went flawlessly and I expect you'll have a quick and easy recovery.'

"That big bouquet right there is from your husband. The card says, 'Hope you're feeling well, dear. You don't know how much this means to me. I can't wait to give your new poontang a real good workout!'

Pointing to the 3rd bouquet, the lady asks, 'And who are those from?"

The nurse looks at the card and says, "These are from Joe, a patient downstairs on the burn ward. He says, 'Thanks for the new earlobes.'"

dontfeartheringo wrote:What's brown and sticky?

My finger


...or

My cock

(best to know your audience though)

A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley
motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The
cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a
look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the Garage, 'Hey Doc, want
to take a look at this?' The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to
where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened
up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, 'So Doc, look at this engine. I open
its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back
in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make $40,000 a
year and you get the really big bucks ($1,500,000) when you and I are doing
basically the same work?'



The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the
mechanic... 'Try doing it with the engine running.'

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing."

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.

She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?"

To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check.

"There's no charge," he says.

"No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says.

"Honestly, ma'am," the mortician says, "it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice... so I just switched the heads."

LOL.

the version i heard:

i like my coffee how i like my women:

bitter.


i liked the rickreuben joke and the fauns