"I really enjoy cunnilingus"


However, I am too self conscious to use 'lines', so I employ the 'joke your way into her pants' tactic. This never works. Women don't want funny guys, no matter what they say. "Oh I just want a man that makes me laugh". YOU'RE LYING, LADY. You want a man with a big strong chest and an iron rod. Don't tease me by laughing appreciatively. This party is shit, I'm going to sit in the airing cupboard and push M&Ms up my nose.

"Hello!" and a smile

"Hi, I´m Steve Albini."

"No, no, I swear I'm not Steve Albini."

"I'm really angry baby, let's go back to your place and talk about it."

"You know this cock isn't gonna suck itself"

I don't know who came up with this and I know of no one who has ever had the balls to try it.

The way I usually do it, if I see a girl I am interested in I totally rip apart whatever nerdy dude she came with right in front of him. I say the meanest stuff I can think of and call him horrible names and everyone laughs. It always works, every time. They might leave that night with the dude, but it plants a seed and they always show up again at some point and tell me how they dumped the dude because he was a wuss.
It's biological, girls don't wanna be with a wuss.
I was at a gyro place once and a guy walked over and dumped his entire soda on a girl's head for no reason. The dude who was there with the girl, did he jump up and stomp the guy into the ground? No, he just sat there and said 'Let's go honey' This is not noble, to slink away from conflict. This is not attractive to the ladies, as much as you indie rockers wanna believe it is.

"wanna do the nasty?" never fails.

Hi my name is Graham. You should know that because you'll be screaming it later.

Do you want to have intercourse? You know, sexual intercourse?"

this seems like the only good one so far