what's black and white and red all over and can't say the pledge of allegiance?



























A nun with a severed cock in her mouth.

Rotten Tanx wrote:Every one of these jokes has been told in the other joke thread. Kerble must be spinning in his condo.

No, mine was not told in the other thread. I assure you. No kerble for you.

daniel robert chapman wrote:Among the sickest I ever heard...

And that was a sweet joke.

an easy mistake to make,
they tend to blur into each other after a while

Two hobos bump into each other on the street.

"Hey Frank, how was your weekend?"

"Oh mine was great. I found a whole case of beer and a box of uneaten donuts I had a big feast. How was yours?"

"Mine was incredible. I was walking along by the train tracks when I run across this woman tied to the tracks. She was gorgeous! I untied her and took her back to my cardboard box and she was so grateful that she let me have sex with her right then and there. Then we went back to my shipping crate I use for a house and stayed in the crate and had sex in every position you could imagine all weekend long."

"Wow! That is really something. So tell me, did she blow you?"

"No, I couldn't find her head."

ha ha ha!!

This bloke walks into the poshest restaurant in town...

"Where's the god damn, mother fucking Manager you cock sucking, dingo-titted, arse wipe?" he politely inquires to one of the waiters.

The waiter is naturally taken aback and replies, "Excuse me sir but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here, I will get the manager as soon as I can."

"I want to see the cunt, and I want to see the cunt now!", replies the man, staring wildly at the waiter.

The manager comes over and the bloke asks, "Are you the fucking tossy manager of this twat-hole joint?"

"Yes sir, I am", replies the manager, "but I would prefer it if you could refrain from speaking such profanities in this, a private and exclusive restaurant."

"Fuck off, quim-face ", replies the bloke "and where's the fucking piano?"

"Pardon ?" says the manager.

"Fucking deaf as well, are you? You little piece of snivelling shit, show us your pissing piano or I'll fucking twat you."

"Ahhhh !" replies the manager, "you've come about the pianist job" and shows the bloke to the piano.

"Can you play any blues?"

"Of course I can," and the bloke proceeds to play the most melancholy blues that the manager has ever heard.

"That's superb. What's it called?"

"I want to fuck your wife on the sofa, but the springs keep sticking in me knob," replies the bloke.

The manager is a bit disturbed and asks if the bloke knows any jazz.

The bloke proceeds, playing the most rhythmically complex jazz solo the manager has ever heard.

"Magnificent !" cries the manager "What's it called?"

"I tried to wank over the washing machine but my testicles got caught in the soap drawer."

The manager is a tad embarrassed and asks if he knows any romantic ballads.

The bloke then plays the most heartbreaking melody that brings a tear to his eye and a lump into his throat. "That's beautiful, what's that called?" asks the manager.

"As I bonk you under the stars with the moonlight shining off your hairy ring-piece" replies the bloke.

The manager is highly upset by the bloke's language, but his music is so good he offers him the job on condition that he doesn't introduce any of his songs or talk to any of the customers.

This arrangement works well for a couple of months until one night the bloke is playing his piano and sitting opposite him is the most gorgeous blonde he has ever laid his eyes on. She's wearing an almost see-through dress, her breasts are falling out the top of her tight lace bra, and the skimpy little 'G' string she's wearing is showing clearly through the tight material over her pert bottom.

She is sitting there with her legs slightly open sucking suggestively on asparagus shoots and the butter is dripping down her chin! It's too much for the pianist and he stops playing and runs off to the bogs to 'wrestle with his bald headed champ'.

He's pulling away furiously when he hears the managers voice: "Where's that bloody pianist gone?"

He just has time to shoot his bolt and in a fluster he runs back to the piano, sits down and starts playing some more tunes.

The blonde gets up off her bar-stool and walks seductively over to the piano, leans over in front of him and whispers in his ear, "Do you know your knob and bollocks are hanging out your trousers and dripping cum onto your shoes?"

The bloke replies, "Know it? I fucking wrote it!"

what do caviar & michael jackson have in common?
















they both come on little white crackers.

daniel robert chapman wrote:
The blonde gets up off her bar-stool and walks seductively over to the piano, leans over in front of him and whispers in his ear, "Do you know your knob and bollocks are hanging out your trousers and dripping cum onto your shoes?"

The bloke replies, "Know it? I fucking wrote it!"

So Billy was telling the truth after all. Frog, deer and dog was on the menu?

stolen from bob weston:

how long does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?










i don't know i was jerking off.

Myra Hindley is walking across the moors late at night with a small girl. The small girl nervously tugs on Myra's coat and says

"I Don't like the dark, I'm scared."

"You're scared? says Myra
"How do you think I feel? I've got to walk back on my own!"