Premier Rock Forum

Q. whats sicker than a pile of dead babies?
A. the live one at the bottom trying to knaw its way out

Q. how do you stop a baby falling down a mineshaft?
A. put a javelin through it's head.

Q. whats 3 feet long and fucks rabbits?
A. a shotgun.

Q. whats orange and sounds like a parrot?
A. a carrot

Q. whats blue and fucks old women?
A. hyperthermia.

id better not tell the *really* bad taste ones ...

n.c. wrote:What's the hardest part about roller blading?


Telling your parents you're gay.


-n

as always, anal cunt knock the nail on the head...

YOU'RE ARE ROLLERBLADING, ROLLERBLADING, ROLLERBLADING FAGGOT
YOU'RE ARE ROLLERBLADING, ROLLERBLADING, ROLLERBLADING FAGGOT
YOU'RE ARE ROLLERBLADING, ROLLERBLADING, ROLLERBLADING FAGGOT
YOU'RE ARE ROLLERBLADING, ROLLERBLADING, ROLLERBLADING FAGGOT

I SAW YOU RIDING DOWN THE STREET ON YOUR ROLLERBLADES
DRINKING A FRAPPOCINO, YOU'RE TOTALLY FUCKING GAY
YOU GOT A KORN SHIRT, AND TRIBAL TATTOOS
YOU ROLLERBLADING FAGGOT, I FUCKING HATE YOU

YOU'RE ARE ROLLERBLADING, ROLLERBLADING, ROLLERBLADING FAGGOT

a classic.

A man who works at a pickle factory comes home from work and tells his wife he's got this over-whelming urge to stick his dick in the pickle slicer.

His wife begs him not to, but a week goes by and he comes home early from work and tells her he got fired - for sticking his dick in the pickle slicer...

She yanks his pants down, sees his dick still intact and says "what happened to the pickle slicer?"

"She got fired too" he says.

One day George W. Bush and Dick Cheney walk into a diner. A waitress walks up to them and asks if she can take their order. Bush leans close to her and says, "Honey, can I have a quickie?"

The waitress is appalled and yells at the President about women's rights and storms away.

Cheney then says to Bush, "George, its pronounced 'quiche'."

how many indie rockers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

wait, seriously? you never heard this one before?

How many goths does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they sit in the dark and cry.

This guy sees an ad in the paper for a job in the Zoo. So, he heads on down and meets the zookeeper and asks him about the job.

The zookeeper tells him that there’s a shortage of monkeys this year, and he needs someone to dress up in a monkey suit and pretend to be a monkey in a cage.

The guy thinks it’s joke until the zookeeper tells him that the pay is $500 a week and he’ll get 3 breaks a day! The guy thinks this great and says, "I’ll do it!"

First day on the job, he suits up and hops into the cage. At about 9am the zookeeper comes by and tells him to look lively, so he puts down his newspaper and starts giving it loads. He’s making all the sounds, "Oooh! Oooh! Aaah! Aaah!". His hands are flying everywhere, he's eating bananas, swinging around on the trees, you name it.

After about 10 minutes of this, he thinks, "Jesus this is great fun...I’m really catching on to all this swinging and acrobatics!". So he gets brave and starts swinging around and around this high branch in a tree.

He keeps getting faster and faster until he loses his grip and flies up into the air and then lands in the bear cage!

The bear comes over and starts mauling him, biting him, clawing at his eyes and generally causing grevious bodily harm.

He panics and starts shouting, "Somebody help me!! I’m not really a monkey!! Aaghh…I’m a man, help me! Help me!!!"

To which the bear replies, "Shut the fuck up or you’ll get us both sacked!"

Best Quotes from Olympic Commentators:

1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.

5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we
can expect the same thing again."

6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."

8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"

yes!

entertaining band / muso stuff:

http://www.users.globalnet.co.uk/~queenb/demerara.htm


I am a good bassist; you are a good bassist; he is a crap bassist; she is a babe.