divorcee wrote:I've pulled a few dick moves, but there's one whose memory makes me cringe every time.

When I was 11, our teacher had it in for me. He would take every opportunity to ridicule me in front of the class. Despite my best efforts, he would continually give me poor marks in any subject except for Maths, where he was unable to lower my grades.

After 3 or so months of hating every minute of class time, I decided he had to go.

So, I went to the Headmistress of the school and proceeded to explain that I had suspicions that he was a paedophile. I explained that he had a habit of touching and hugging the better looking boys in the classroom, and that he would stand behind some of these boys in class and rub their shoulders.

The complaints were taken seriously and an investigation was launched. He was immediately suspended from the school. Myself and many of the other children were interviewed about the supposed incidents.

Although the investigation never went beyond the interviews and he was never charged, he never returned to the school.

A couple of years afterward, my mother (a nurse) was performing a blood test for his wife, now his ex-wife. Apparently, the suspicions raised from this incident led to the break-up of his marriage. He had not worked as a teacher again.

I've felt shitty about that one ever since.

busbus wrote:In 4th grade, they showed us this film on Epilepsy and seizures. My teacher was an old bat and was basically deaf. Sometimes when she would turn around to write on the board, I would get up from my desk(last row) and thrash violently on the ground as if I was having a seizure. I was an evil class clown. One day while walking home from school with my friend, I faked a seizure in the middle of a busy residential street. I ran away and hid when a car stopped to help me. Right as I was about to leave my hiding spot, I saw an ambulance with it's flashers driving by really, really slow. I decided to take the back yard route home.

Arson Smith wrote:I'll tell you all about a REAL DICK MOVE that cost me a friendship recently:

My girlfriend and I took a trip to Orlando last year with a married couple that we have been friends with for quite a while. We had never been to Orlando, but they have been down there several times before. His dad has a time-share down there, so the lodgings were taken care of, so I volunteered to rent the van for us to drive down.

I took the first leg of the driving... my buddy kept offering to drive if I was getting sleepy or just tired of driving. He asked a couple different times, and then eventually we stopped for some food and he asked again and as I was a bit tired of driving I said "Sure, go ahead." He powered down and drove the rest of the way down there, which was fine by me, and the ladies didn't mind not having to pull a driving shift.

My friends knew their way around Orlando, so I didn't think much of it when he would grab the keys off the counter each morning and assert himself as the driver. Fine by me, dude - I'm on vacation.

(As a sidebar, it must be said that prior to this vacation, it had probably been a long time since we had spent much time around our married-couple friends here... and as happens when you start spending too much time around together, you start to notice some things that really rub you the wrong way... for instance my friend has apparently become a bit of a bully to his wife - what I like to call "King of the Castle" syndrome - and was often verbally abusive and/or always making little put-downs that were going past the boundary of good clean fun... I think he referred to her as "dumbass" more often than not, and like to criticize lots of little, petty things she did... by the end of the trip this was getting pretty awkward and making my girlfriend and I pretty uncomfortable... at least a few times I told him "Knock it off." or "Hey - save that shit for when you get home." Anyhow, that is just some subtext there...)

So anyway - when the time came to drive back, he again asserted himself as the driver, which again didn't bother any of us too much, but we agreed as usual that we would take turns as needed. As time wore on, I would occasionally volunteer to take over, and he kept saying "That's alright." or "I'm good."

As we were getting into Tennessee, it appeared he was getting pretty tired, or just zoning road-weary as he drove. Again, I offered to drive and he kept up with "I'm good." As his driving deteriorated a bit more, my girlfriend now became pretty concerned, and said she was feeling wide awake and wouldn't mind driving a bit, leaving me to do the end. He wouldn't hear it, kept saying "Nah, I'm good."

Eventually we pulled into a Subway in Manchester, TN to get some chow. For some reason he decided he wanted something else to eat, so my girlfriend, his wife, and I ordered sandwiches while he went to a different nearby fast-food joint. As we sat there, the first topic of conversation was his driving.

"No you're right - he's done. No more driving for him.", said the wife, in total agreement.

When we're all done eating and it's time to leave, he climbs right back up into the driver's seat again. (THIS IS WHERE I START TO PULL DICK MOVES, RIGHT?) I say "Hey man, it's time for someone else to take a turn - she's going to drive for a while, and then I'll take over when she gets tired."

"No, I'm fine."

"No, seriously, dude.'

"No seriously - I'M FINE."

"No dude, you're not fine, you look exhausted, you been swerving around a bit - time to let some one else take a turn."

"I S A I D I A M F I N E".

(etc. this shit goes on for a while)

I don't know what's wrong with my friend, he's got a screw loose or something, or some half-ass alpha-male instinct like he is going to call the shots amongst our party of 4 the way he apparently bullies his wife around (again, "King of the Castle") but we're not having it. My girlfriend and I plainly state that we are not getting in the van with him driving, and that is it.

OK, so now he has turned this into some battle of the wills, where all logic is out the window and nothing matters except that he is detemined to "win"... and he is already cranky and irritable and pulling baby moves like refusing to hand over the keys or get out of the driver's seat.

We are grown ass people who all just want to hit the road and get home, and he is maintaining this tantrum/stall attitude.

*** MAJOR DICK MOVE ALERT! I'M SUCH A DICK - WATCH OUT! ***

Finally, when it was beyond "enough", I reached in for the keys. He tried to do some blocking with hands and arms and that's when I lost all bearing and grabbed him up and pulled him the fuck out of there by his clothes, securing the keys in the process.

Now his pride is hurt and flaring - "C'mon motherfucker! You want a piece of me! You want to go?"

(No, dude - I totally do not want to have a fist fight and possibly have the cops descend on us in the Subway parking lot in Manchester, TN - really, we all just want to get home...)

He's talking a lot of shit, and I do my best to maintain, but it eventually evolves into a stupid-ass shouting match. His only argument, over and over, is "I SAID I WAS FINE! WHAT WAS THE BIG DEAL?" And I'm all "THE BIG DEAL IS THAT THE REST OF US WANT YOU TO NOT DRIVE, AND WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE THAT YOU SAY "NO" TO ALL THREE OF US?"

The women by now are getting freaked and weepy and just trying to ameliorate. Things cool off (sort of) and we're all back in the van. My girlfriend in the driver's seat, me in the passenger seat, and those two in the back. As we're about to pull out of the Subway, he keeps wanting to talk shit, like "Man, I cannot wait until we get home - you drop us off, and I am going to kick your ass right there in my driveway" etc.

*** EVEN BIGGER DICK MOVE! LOOK AT ME - I AM A MONSTER! ***

I am livid now - this motherfucker thinks he is in some role to punk me, like I am going to ride in a van for hours like a bitch, listening to threats, wondering if he's going to sock me in the head from behind, or just plain try to jump my ass when we reach home. Fuck that.

I tell him to get the fuck out. Ain't no way we're riding together now - we would have been fine if you just shut the fuck up and mellowed, but if you're still that irrationally hostile over your own tantrum of not wanting to give up the keys... then fuck you. Get the fuck out.

He jumps out, all pissy, starts grabbing their bags, and stomps across the parking lot to a hotel. I feel bad for his wife, because this is not her fault... I figure she's probably quite embarrased by his actions...

Bu then, the classic turn - she switches sides! of course! because she has to stand by her man (never saw that coming, eh!) I mean obviously she was going to go with him, but not just that, she starts bitching me and my girlfriend out! (Because we caused the problem!?)

"I don't know why you have to make such a big deal! He was just trying to make things easier!" - whatever in the fuck that was supposed to mean... "make things easier" by driving us into a ditch? Remember, this is the same woman who agreed above "No you're right - he's done. No more driving for him." but now all of a sudden we are the assholes! Your husband is the one who absolutely COULD NOT stop shit-talking and tossing threats around!

Now, no matter who is irrational and acting like a baby, the reality is that if I up and peel out of that parking lot, we are going to be the crazy people who "abandoned" them in a strange town whilst on vacation... I really don't want to be known for doing that (no matter how much it might be deserved at this point) - his parents are good people, and I don't want them to think I would do shit like that. So at this point, as much as I really don't want to, I step back and have my girlfriend try to explain to them that it does not have to be this way - if he can simmer the fuck down, we can just boogie down the road.

They are both just unreasonable now "It's too late, we already booked a room - just go."

*** Now this is pehaps the actual DICK MOVE? ***

One thing I do know about my "friend" is that he is some kind of mama's boy, the likes of which I have never seen before... I know within 5 minutes he is going to be waking his parents up and telling them how we just got done stranding them in Manchester, TN. So I pulled a pre-emptive strike, and I called his mom first. Woke her up in the dead of the night and calmly told her I don't know what's wrong, but your son started flipping out and won't get in the van with us now, and he's acting all kinds of weird and aggressive and I'm worried he's going to do something crazy like go into the hotel and beat his wife, etc.

His mom hears my side of the story and asks me to please stay there and not leave just yet - she wants to call and talk to him, and see if she can calm him down. WE WAIT PATIENTLY IN THE HOTEL PARKING LOT (see what a DICK I am!? I am still waiting to see if this can be salvaged...) and after 5-10 minutes his mom calls me back and basically says "I don't know what his problem is, but I can't even talk to him. You did the best you could - thanks for trying to wait, but really you all might as well go ahead - I don't know what's eating him".

So anyhow, it's coming up on like at least 6 months now, and we have not heard one single peep from this couple (except behind our backs!)

Even though we were kind of like dudes from old times, y'know? Now I'm a pretty forgiving guy, especially if no blood was drawn, nobody went to jail, etc. If dude calls me up and says sorry for flipping out or something, I'm not one to hold a grudge, really...

But someone who can, for no reason, and as a grown-ass man, throw a hissy fit like that, and still maintain this entire time that they were not in the wrong? Do I need that in my life? Fuck no.

The best/saddest part is that all of our friends we have in common have now heard them rant and rave about how we "ditched" them for no reason, what fuckers we are, etc. - and then those friends come back and report to us how full of shit those two are. Even better, my girlfriend and I just shake our heads, and don't say shit and just keep our mouths shut about them* - we were there and we know what happened, and our friends know which one of us dudes is the hot-head and which one isn't, and which one of the women has some integrity, and which one doesn't.


(* except for this rant here, but fuck it - no names are mentioned - they'll never read this)

chumpchange wrote:Some 17 years ago, my band went on a brief (7 day) West Coast tour with a couple of other bands from our city. On the first night the guitarist of one of the other bands asked to borrow my amp for the tour (in fact he might have asked before we left for the trip, I can't remember anymore). No problem. This fellow's band was known locally for putting a rambunctious show, with spazz-outs and gear destruction at the end of the set. At the time I was using a 300w solid state head and a 4x12 cab. I asked, in what I thought was an inoffensive tone, that he and his band take care of the amp, not to push it too hard as it had to serve both of our bands for the rest of the tour.
This apparently pissed him off but I was oblivious.
A few nights later as my band is setting up for soundcheck, the other band's other guitarist takes offence at how I am setting my pedals up, saying something like, "why are they so spread out like that? You should put them closer together and take up less room." I wasn't sure what to make of this remark and thought that maybe he was kidding. I offered the same advice to him (he had just as many, if not more pedals than I) when he was setting up for his band's soundcheck.
Now I had two members of that band pissed at me.
During their set, and I don't remember doing this (no, I wasn't drunk) and had to be reminded years later, they were doing their usual apeshit routine and knocked over a piece of our gear. Apparently I got up on stage while they were still playing and righted the equipment.
Now I had the whole band pissed of at me.
I wasn't trying to be a dick but it must have come off that way. As a result of my efforts, they named a song after me on their CD. ____ ____ Must Die.

Colonel Panic wrote:When I was in kindergarten, there was really shy, overweight kid named Lee who always used to hang around me during recess time. I didn't mind him being around, but I didn't particularly relish his company, either. He was a nice kid but he wasn't exactly the life of the party. Nobody paid much attention to him because he was so shy.

One day in class, the teacher was showing slides of animals from the zoo and asking the class to identify them. When a picture of the hippopotamus came up, I raised my hand and said, "It's Lee!" The whole class burst out in laughter and the teacher scolded me and told me to apologize. I glanced across the room at Lee and he was sitting there looking at me silently, with tears streaming down his face.

To this day, every time I think about him I cringe with regret. All the kid wanted was to be my friend, and I had to go and do a thing like that. What a dick move.

chumpchange wrote:Some 17 years ago, my band went on a brief (7 day) West Coast tour with a couple of other bands from our city. On the first night the guitarist of one of the other bands asked to borrow my amp for the tour (in fact he might have asked before we left for the trip, I can't remember anymore). No problem. This fellow's band was known locally for putting a rambunctious show, with spazz-outs and gear destruction at the end of the set. At the time I was using a 300w solid state head and a 4x12 cab. I asked, in what I thought was an inoffensive tone, that he and his band take care of the amp, not to push it too hard as it had to serve both of our bands for the rest of the tour.
This apparently pissed him off but I was oblivious.
A few nights later as my band is setting up for soundcheck, the other band's other guitarist takes offence at how I am setting my pedals up, saying something like, "why are they so spread out like that? You should put them closer together and take up less room." I wasn't sure what to make of this remark and thought that maybe he was kidding. I offered the same advice to him (he had just as many, if not more pedals than I) when he was setting up for his band's soundcheck.
Now I had two members of that band pissed at me.
During their set, and I don't remember doing this (no, I wasn't drunk) and had to be reminded years later, they were doing their usual apeshit routine and knocked over a piece of our gear. Apparently I got up on stage while they were still playing and righted the equipment.
Now I had the whole band pissed of at me.
I wasn't trying to be a dick but it must have come off that way. As a result of my efforts, they named a song after me on their CD. ____ ____ Must Die.