On the walls of the guy's jacks in college:

"I saw arcade fire before you did"

in the guardian today is an article entitled-jacket made to measure for love from afar.
it's a jacket which records the exact sensation of patting, hugging and stroking. you can use it anywhere there is an internet connection...they're using it on chickens, studies show the chickens preferred the coop with the internet hugging technology. with regard to human use a scientist in a lab in singapore said this:

"you can be in meetings all day unable to talk to your partner if the call you because everyone will overhear you. but if you both had this system on, you could give each other a little hug to say "i know you're busy, but i'm thinking of you"

they're trying to make 'internet pyjamas' for babies.


man, it's not even april1st!

the other day i was walking through aberdeen going to get my haircut in the city centre when two schoolgirls started giggling at me.

"GET YOUR HAIRCUT!" shouted one girl.

i stopped and turned around.

"THAT'S WHERE I'M GOING!" i shouted back.

"GOOD!" replied the girl.

i told everyone in the salon and hey laughed their asses off. after they had finished i went back to where the girls were still sitting.

"IS THIS BETTER?" i asked

"MUCH!" admitted the girl.

then i went about my day.

i've SEEN a teaspoon in the sink at work. it has something engraved into the handle but i've just this second been bothered to read it. it sayd

"property of ramsey street"

i'm going to have to steal this. but, surely someone will notice? i can't afford to leave this job just yet. god, this is gonna bug me. i hope no-one else here can see the value in owning that piece of cutlery..

fantasmatical thorr wrote:i've SEEN a teaspoon in the sink at work. it has something engraved into the handle but i've just this second been bothered to read it. it sayd

"property of ramsey street"

i'm going to have to steal this. but, surely someone will notice? i can't afford to leave this job just yet. god, this is gonna bug me. i hope no-one else here can see the value in owning that piece of cutlery..

Exact same spoon in my work's kitchen.

fuck off!! really?

fantasmatical thorr wrote:fuck off!! really?

Aye lass. Just had a look and it's not around right now but it's here somewhere.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative: Dear Dr. Laura: Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them: When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die? I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all
the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? -
Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family
affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev.
20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim

Tommydski - that is a great story.

I was in hospital today practising medical examinations.

I said to one of my fellow students - "Did you see that patient's drooping eyelid? I'd like to have a look in his notes to see what condition he has"

And she said "How can you tell that from looking in his nose?"

Oh how we laughed!