I am proud to have read "si-maro"'s comments and laughed my ass off without actually realising the author is in fact my friend, bandmate and neighbour. I feel like Homer when he's accused of being a little slow.



"ME? SLOW?"

kerble wrote:

Ike wrote:Had a "drinking contest" with a guy named Jimmy Flame.

WHOOOO!

Ike

of the blue meanies?

.............and the Sexxy boys? http://www.angelfire.com/indie/jimmyflame/

for me, this would have to go to the time i got a heart-and-arrow drawn on my ass at a party by a girl dressed up like a referee.

...i suppose it's not that bad, considering it was halloween. and it was in Madison. but it's a great story to tell when your buddies start going "maaan, i went to this craaazy party last night..." and you can go "...oh yeah?" and have something up your sleeve.

it was pretty degrading to have my pants around my ankles in a loft-apartment full of people, though.

FUCK YES! i just hit 500 posts!

this is one of those stories that i was told the day (or maybe days) after the evening.

it was a ripe saturday in november. i was at the ripe age of 14. a freshman in high school, first Cast Party for the school play.

aside from everyone getting so drunk that we all wound up playing Spin the Piss (someone filled a bottle of Herbal Essences with water and yellow food coloring and gave it to someone else as a gift; a bottle of piss).

at 14, i guess i had no limit to my drinking. tequila, beer, vodka, it was all good.

i vaguely remember trying to go to sleep in at least 4 different places across this gigantic house. one flash where i'm on a couch and this senior douchebag keeps throwing this spherical pillow at me. one flash where i am on the floor after falling down a two-step staircase, i see boy and girl arguing, girls boob fly out of clothing, and then by that time they are gone. one flash where i am at the foot of a double size bed containing 3 or 4 bodies in it, trying to sleep on top of all of their ankles and feet.

apparantly, amidst those foggy memmories, i was walking around the whole night in my horny, unsatisfied 14 year old mentality, asking each and every girl i encountered "Do you wanna fuck?/ I wanna fuck. / Let's have sex." or some similar statement.

For quite a long time, I thought that they were carrying out this ridiculous practical joke. I've since come to realize, i was probably just so drunk that I don't remember ever saying those things.



Another funny story, that's not so much degrading as it is retarded. Last year, I lived in a triple dorm, and all of the beds were lofted to maximize floor space. It should also be mentioned that none of the beds had ladders, and so getting to or from the matress required a well positioned step on the desk directly below. It was one of those typical nights, lots to drink, lots to smoke, pleasantly passed out without puking.

Then I awake at about 5am to find that my water jug is empty. Dying of thirst and potentially still tipsy, i make my way out of bed, butt on the bed, facing away, foot searching for desk place.

somewhere in the way down, i lose my balance, my foothole slips, and my other foot kicks something or other. i wind up on the ground facing my bed with an exceptionally large gash on the ball of my right foot (the left foot was the one placed on the desk).

that was a fun one to deal with for the next week.

I gotta bump this one up for my man JPG. I know you of all people have something for this one.

pissing in inappropriate places isn't that unusual for drunks, but i've probalby got you all beat.

one time in college i was in the study cubicle when i noticed a waft of urine. what the fuck is wrong with people i asked myself. flashback came crashing down that it was me, a few nights prior, stumbling around in a stupor, walked into the cubicle thinking it was my bathroom and let drip.

a few months ago when my girlfriend was being stalked i was going on frequent benders. one night i woke up and opened the door from our bedroom into the living room, dropped my pants and let drip. that's bad enough, but the kicker is that it woke my girlfriend up, she screams "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" and me, so fucking drunk i can't comprehend it, with a dirty look and a condascending tone i say, "i'm pissing."

amazing this girl has not left me.

I went to a party, and amazingly, had the opportunity to make love to a beautiful girl...or some dumb skank, whichever you prefer. We were both very toasted and doing blow, so we're fucking ripping into each other. She slumps down and he knees and starts undoing my pants and BAM! Whiskey dick. My flaccid, pathetic, pale dick in this girl's face and she's looking at me like I'm some kind of freak. Nothing this girl is doing is making me get any blood flow down there. All of a sudden, I feel like I'm going to piss myself.

"Stop, I need to piss."
"Are you fucking kidding me?"

It is at this point she smacks my balls away from her chin, and it hurt like a motherfucker. So bad, that I just started pissing. On her.

She gets up, runs off, screams to everyone that I'm pissing on her, and leaves. I fall into bed with another bottle and tell everyone to have a good night and a pleasant tomorrow.

Nice going, Romeo.

Once when I was a teenager, I was at a large loft party and I saw this girl whom I'd had a huge crush on for several months, but whom I'd never actually spoken with. I knew her name and I'm sure she knew mine, because we'd both hung around in the same crowd for awhile.

Filled with liquid courage, I walked up to her and said something like, "Heya there Kimmy. How's it going?"

I must have been swaying from side-to-side or looked like I was going to topple over as I stood there, because she grabbed me by the shoulders and asked me how much I'd had to drink. I said "I dunno, I been here since about 7."

She replied, "It's almost 3 AM! You've been drinking for almost 8 hours?"

For some reason this made me feel like a big man instead of a pathetic drunk. I said, "Yeah, but I'm used to it. I do this like 3-4 times a week."

She said, "well have fun," then turned and walked away from me. Refusing to let the encounter go at that, I staggered after her. Suddenly, she changed direction, dodging off to her left, took a few steps then turned and looked back at me. In my condition, I was unable to make such a sharp turn so I stumbled, spun around a couple times, tripped over my own feet and fell flat on my face. I lay there for a second or two while the stun wore off and when I got up I noticed that half the room was laughing their asses off.

Needless to say, I failed to make my intended first impression.

this profile no longer exists