69
by spoot_Archive
So I was at this dumb party with some people whose names I would rather not mention. There was this total asshole there named Nathan. Everyone was trying to avoid him, he was just this drunk obnoxious asshole. I hardly even like to think about it. What a jerk!
Anyway, the guy who was hosting the party (again, no names will be mentioned, other than Nathan's) started getting on my case about some bullshit. Eventually he dragged me, physically dragged me (like by the neck!) into this back room, & threw me down in a fifteen-foot-deep pit! Some party, huh? The son of a bitch!
There was nothing in the pit except the shitty linoleum floor and this big lever sticking out of the wall. The host stood at the edge of the pit and called down: "The lever on the wall will do one of two things if you pull it. It will either raise the floor of the pit and set you free, or it will fill the pit with flesh-eating cockroaches, or hydrochloric acid, or spikes will come out of the walls and impale you, or something like that."
There was a pregnant pause as I considered my fate.
He continued. "You can pull the lever and hope for the best. But there is one other option: you can choose to let me bring that asshole Nathan in here and throw him in the pit with you. You will spend all night talking to that asshole Nathan!" I was horrified! He laughed and went on. "In the morning I'll pull you guys out of the pit. What do you think?"
I thought about it for a while, then decided. "Fuck it," I said. "Better Nate than lever!"