69
by gravitypinsusdwn_Archive
I was pretty much a dick when I was a kid. I think it was because I was insecure and felt like I had to be tough.
When I was five, there was a neighbor kid who was a real annoying brat, but my dad was friends with his dad so we sort of had to play together sometimes. The kid had a problem of peeing in his pants a lot, and one time we were sitting together outside and I told him to pee his pants and he did. I got in trouble for that one and had to apologize.
----------
In sixth grade, one of my best friends was "dating" this guy. One of our other friends had already gotten her period before everyone else, and she said to some people, about our friend who was dating this guy, "They can fuck and it doesn't matter because she hasn't gotten her period yet." My friend was hurt by this (but not REALLY destroyed or anything) and I took a major part in making this other friend of ours a total outcast among our whole group of friends. No one would talk to her anymore and we would make fun of her and shit. By the next year (7th grade) we were all friends again, and now this girl is actually on of my best friends, but I still feel really bad about ruining her year. I think this is the dickest move I've ever pulled, mostly because she is a good person and a good friend.
-------
Following graduation from high school, one of my male friends and I started getting really close, and there was a lot of sexual tension. Starting from a drunk night at a friends house, we sort of started dating, but we never became "official" or anything- if people asked if we were dating, we would kind of just look at each other and shrug. Most of our friends went away to school, but both of us were not starting until the second semester, so the whole first semester when our friends were in college, we spent a lot of time together (I was at his house almost every night until like, 4 am, etc) Sometimes I would randomly get tired of him, so I would ignore his phone calls and not invite him to things for a few days, and then pick up like nothing happened when I was ready to talk to him again. He was very insecure and completely let me get away with this shit. He was a "cutter" and would stop cutting himself when we were together; when I would come back after these days of ignoring him, he would have new wounds on his arms again.
Besides just ignoring him sometimes, I would also make out with other guys. He knew about this for the most part; I recall one party we went to together and one of his best friends and I ended up making out on the couch the whole time while he just got more and more drunk. So drunk that I was taking care of him by the end of the night because he couldn't sit up. This friend of his gave me a huge hickey and I told my parents that he had given it to me, so my parents weren't really thrilled about him after that.
So, finally we go up to school. I am going to Berkeley and he is going to art school in San Francisco, so we are still able to hang out a few times. About 2 weeks into the semester, I met a guy at school and we started hanging out together all of the time. Just a few days after I met him, one of my (and this other guy's) friends came up from Santa Cruz and another came over from Oakland and we spent the whole weekend together. This guy came over to the East Bay for a short time, but eventually left because I was a total dick and barely even talked to him. He didn't know that I had met this other guy, and I'm sure was pretty confused because we were on completely good terms not a week before.
Finally, my new boy came out and was hanging out with my friends and I and we completely ignored the old boy's phone calls to come back and hang out. Since then, I have barely talked to that guy (when I have, though, I am glad I am not talking to him anymore.)
As a side note, me and the new guy have been together for over 4 years and are engaged. I have absolutely no desire to even ever see this other dude again, but I still feel like a dick for treating him like shit and essentially cheating on him in front of his face (although it was not really cheating, since we were never technically exclusive.)
"Mostly boring with sporadic moments of terror"