q: Why did the preist go to WallMart ?
a: To see if the little boys pants were half off............
Hilarious Joke
73Q. What does an Eskimo (sorry, Inuit) get when he sits on ice all day?
A. Polaroids.
A. Polaroids.
Hilarious Joke
74Q. How do you make your cock look bigger?
A. Put it in a baby's hand.
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So, f(x) = 4x - 7y + z walks into a bar and strolls up to the bar, and asks for a pint of Guinness.
Barman says, "Sorry, but we don't cater for functions in here"
A. Put it in a baby's hand.
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So, f(x) = 4x - 7y + z walks into a bar and strolls up to the bar, and asks for a pint of Guinness.
Barman says, "Sorry, but we don't cater for functions in here"
Hoof Hearted, Ice Melt It.
Hilarious Joke
75Q. What's the difference between a woman and a lump of shit?
A. You can't smear a woman over a lump of shit.
A. You can't smear a woman over a lump of shit.
Hilarious Joke
76Once upon a time there were three Indians: the father, Geronowitz, the mother, Pokeyenta, and the daughter Minnie-Horowitz. One day Minnie-Horowitz came home and said to Pokeyenta, "Mamma, I want to get married''.
Says Pocayenta, "Good, it's about time. You're already an old maid, sixteen years old; who is the groom?''
Says Minnie-Horowitz, "Oy, Mamma. Have I met a man! Strong and handsome, smart and noble!''
"And what is his name?''
"He's called Sitting Bullvon.''
"And what kind of family does he have?''
"Oy, he has a great family; his father, Meshuggenah Horse, is the great chief of all of the Shvartz-fuss tribe.''
Says Pocayenta, "Good! I feel like having a great wedding - Oy, oh no!''
"What is it?''
"I have a problem.''
"What is the problem?''
"The teepee is not big enough to hold all of the wedding guests - all of the Shvartz-fuss, and the Shmohowks, and all the rest.''
Pocayenta screams to Geronowitz, "Geronowitz, get off your tuchess and go kill me a buffalo.''
Says Geronowitz, "What do you need a buffalo for?''
"With the meat of the buffalo I can make a great buffalo tzimmes, and with the hide I can enlarge the teepee, and I can invite the entire world to the wedding.''
So Geronowitz goes. A day passes, two days, three days, and no Geronowitz. A week later, Geronowitz comes home empty-handed.
"SHLEMIEL! Where is my buffalo?'' screams Pocayenta.
"You and your buffalo tzimmis, to Hell with them both!''
"Why? What happened?''
"The first day I saw a buffalo, not good enough for the tzimmes. not big enough for the teepee. The second day I saw another buffalo, big enough but with a rotten hide, an ugly buffalo; the third day I saw yet another and it was clean, beautiful, big --a perfect buffalo!''
"So? What then?''
"What then? I went to skin the buffalo, I looked in my bag, and you know what? I brought my dairy tomahawk!''
(funnier in the original Yiddish)
Says Pocayenta, "Good, it's about time. You're already an old maid, sixteen years old; who is the groom?''
Says Minnie-Horowitz, "Oy, Mamma. Have I met a man! Strong and handsome, smart and noble!''
"And what is his name?''
"He's called Sitting Bullvon.''
"And what kind of family does he have?''
"Oy, he has a great family; his father, Meshuggenah Horse, is the great chief of all of the Shvartz-fuss tribe.''
Says Pocayenta, "Good! I feel like having a great wedding - Oy, oh no!''
"What is it?''
"I have a problem.''
"What is the problem?''
"The teepee is not big enough to hold all of the wedding guests - all of the Shvartz-fuss, and the Shmohowks, and all the rest.''
Pocayenta screams to Geronowitz, "Geronowitz, get off your tuchess and go kill me a buffalo.''
Says Geronowitz, "What do you need a buffalo for?''
"With the meat of the buffalo I can make a great buffalo tzimmes, and with the hide I can enlarge the teepee, and I can invite the entire world to the wedding.''
So Geronowitz goes. A day passes, two days, three days, and no Geronowitz. A week later, Geronowitz comes home empty-handed.
"SHLEMIEL! Where is my buffalo?'' screams Pocayenta.
"You and your buffalo tzimmis, to Hell with them both!''
"Why? What happened?''
"The first day I saw a buffalo, not good enough for the tzimmes. not big enough for the teepee. The second day I saw another buffalo, big enough but with a rotten hide, an ugly buffalo; the third day I saw yet another and it was clean, beautiful, big --a perfect buffalo!''
"So? What then?''
"What then? I went to skin the buffalo, I looked in my bag, and you know what? I brought my dairy tomahawk!''
(funnier in the original Yiddish)
Hilarious Joke
77Linus Van Pelt wrote:(funnier in the original Yiddish)
nope. i believe it revolves around some custom i don't understand.
that damned fly wrote:i love you. now shut up.
Hilarious Joke
79Noah wrote:You speak Yiddish?
-Noah
Sadly, no. But I can read it because it is so similar to German and English.
Hilarious Joke
80jim primate wrote:Linus Van Pelt wrote:(funnier in the original Yiddish)
nope. i believe it revolves around some custom i don't understand.
(The mixing of meat and dairy is considered treyf under Jewish dietary law. Observant Orthodox Jews keep two sets of cookware - one for preparing dairy dishes and one for meat dishes.)