Going through the security lines in the airport on the way to TapeOp, there were two lines of equal length and a security guy says "Ok now, it's two of one, half dozen of the other."

This old austrian guy who hung out at the racetrack liked to mix up sayings:
"That guy, he's a little green behind the ears."
At the bar:
"Hey, I got money I haven't even spent yet!"
At the pool:
"Ok everybody strip down to your clothes!"

And then there's the story Mr. Macdonald of Arcwelder has of a guy he was working with who was going on his break:
"Hey, I'm gonna go over there and lactate for a while."

Holy smokes, someone I work with just came in and said she was "exjausted."
That's heavy emphasis on the "j," folks.

DUMP!

One of my friends firmly believes that the world's leading reggae artist was called 'Bob Marlowe'.

Another guy I know recently referred to Charlie Chaplin as 'Charlie and the Chaplin'.

Finally, and I have mentioned this somewhere else, I overheard an Australian lad refer to his genitals as his 'meat and three veg' - perhaps this is a mixed malapropism?

From a friend who is a doctor -
One patient:
"I had fireballs in the eucharist"
She meant fibroids in her uterus.

Another patient later that year:
"It think she had something called...smiling mighty jesus?"
She meant spinal menengitis

I work in insurance so I've heard:
"I think I have a claim, the workmen drove over my skeptic tank"
(sceptic tank)
and
"Would I find that on my decorations page?"
(declarations page)

-A

alex maiolo wrote:I work in insurance so I've heard:
"I think I have a claim, the workmen drove over my skeptic tank"
(sceptic tank)

So funny! Meta-joke comedy funny!

alex maiolo wrote:Another patient later that year:
"It think she had something called...smiling mighty jesus?"
She meant spinal menengitis

Whoa - I am hoping that was just a Ween fan, pulling the doctor's leg a bit... but otherwise, whoa.

WEEN wrote:Why they wanna see my spine mommy?
Why they wanna see my spine?
It's gonna hurt again mommy,
Much worse than last time.
Am I gonna see God, mommy?
Am I gonna die?
It really hurts mommy!
Am I gonna die?

Smile on mighty Jesus,
Spinal meningitis got me down.

kerble wrote:"of"

as in:

"I could of done better"

'mac McCarthy uses that quite a bit. Admittedly, only in dialogue, but for a while, it made me think it was proper English.

America! Discipline your writers!

By the way, I keep an fine archive of malapropisms. Unfortunately, none of it is in a language you dummies can understand.

...

My younger brother, admittedly quite hungover on Memorial Day, was rambling on about having to 'dethaw' the pork steaks he'd just taken out of the freezer...

when I was bugging my little brother growing up he would shout at me to stop "par-annoying" him,