comic: Achewood
Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 9:09 pm
by Linus Van Pelt_Archive
Tom wrote:Thanks to this thread, Mr. Onsted is 7 books, a hoodie, and 2 pint glasses richer.
There's some serious merchandising going on here.
You just like lookin' at an anthropomorphic cat in a thong.
comic: Achewood
Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 10:31 am
by DrAwkward_Archive
I hate to keep bumping this thread with "oh shit, today's is hilarious"-type posts, but Jesus H, yesterday's and today's decision-making flow charts have me peeing with the funny.
comic: Achewood
Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 10:39 am
by tmidgett_Archive
Brett Eugene Ralph wrote:Did any of the rest of you feel a crushing despair when you'd finally toured the complete archives and realized that you'll now be getting only one comic per day for the foreseeable future? It probably has something to do with the fact that I read for hours and hours, all weekend, in a kind of meth-like fever. What a crash it was when I finally came down.
Eh, as you suggest, I bet you can just start from any old place again randomly.
I have yet to get thru everything, unless I did it by accident.
comic: Achewood
Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 11:04 am
by Peripatetic_Archive
I'm about halfway through the archives of Ray's advice column.
Holy fuck.
Here are a just a few of the hundreds:
I think I'm attracted to the wrong type of girl. I usually go for the virginal, pure, "what's sex?" kind of chicks, but as you can imagine I wind up fairly blue-balled. I've tried to date other kinds of girls (I even went out with a stripper!), but I find myself not interested in them as much as the chaste and innocent ones. I just can't help it! Any ideas?
Frustrated in Philly
Dear Philly,
This could be a lot of things, but I'm going to go with my hunch: you're not attracted to the wrong type of girl, you're attracted to the wrong type of sex. Are you trying to relive your first clumsy sexual experience and make up for shooting all over her stuffed animals the second you got out of your pants? Ten bucks says that your subconscious mind is still trying to compensate for a bukakke'd-up Snoopy.
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One of my friends is (a)totally hung up on this chick who sorta sucks and (b) making life harder for himself. The girl is very hot and funny in some situations, but sucks to hang out with. He is acting all jaded and like he doesn't even want to be having fun. So he doesn't. The girl digs him and (as i said before) he her, but she is cold dating another guy. Instead of saying "if you dig me, date me," he is trying to be just friends with the girl while digging her. This adds to his general air of disillusionment and anger at/frustration with his rich, white, suburban life. the point i am trying to make is that he has no reason to be angry which could not be solved by just lightening up. maybe i am wrong. please help.
yours, M.
Dear M.,
Tell you what, M: If you promise not to give a shit about all that lame stuff, then that will make two of us.
=RAY= $ =RAY= $ =RAY= $ =RAY=
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My boyfriend is the greatest guy in the world. He's really nice to me and I love him and we plan to get married. There is just this one thing about him I can't stand, and that is [his] haircut.
When I first met him, his hair was parted in the middle, and he looked like he was twelve. Then he had this Bill Gates haircut. Now he has this weird cut that almost looks like a bowl cut with these long bangs that cover his eyebrows. When we have sex, I feel like I am doing it with a five year old, which does not really turn me on at all.
He won't listen to me when I tell him he needs a more sexy grown up haircut, and gets all mad and defensive and says it shouldn't matter what his hair looks like. I hate his hair so much. It is sad, because he is a really handsome guy, and the hair just ruins it. I want to shave his head as he sleeps. what should I do?
Running With Scissors in Berkeley, CA
Dear Running With Scissors,
What is with this guy? This obviously isn't an aesthetic thing, because he admits his appearance is not the issue. It's more like a control thing, held over from childhood.
We have all seen a small kid who is stubborn about food and won't eat anything. It's not because he's not hungry. It's because he learned that this is a way he can wield power, and power is an awesome feeling, particularly to someone who is constantly forced to pose for pictures on a green plastic airplane that has a froggy face.
Fast forward twenty years. Your boyfriend just doesn't want to ride the green froggy plane anymore...unless you make him think it's his idea to ride the green froggy plane. See where I'm going with this?
Just like a kid who is told that he will go to hell and meet the Devil if he eats green vegetables, so will your boyfriend respond to reverse psychology. I guess the main way to get him to want to cut his hair is to tell him that you would HATE if he got his haircut like George Clooney. Tell him that you love his haircut just the way it is, and keep mentioning how stupid George Clooney looks. Check some books which deal with George Clooney out of the library and leave them around the coffee table and in the bathroom. Pretty soon he's gonna be cookin' up a "Perfect Storm" of his own—under your bedsheets, lady!
(I probably don't need to mention this but your relationship has other huge problems.)
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How does one get their special lady friend to, how should I say this, do a bit of gardening in her flower patch?
It's not like it's an Oregon Old Growth Forest down there, but I wish it were maintained like the women in adult films take care of theirs.
How do I tactfully let my girlfriend know that it would be awesome if she shaved her pubic area. Is there a way to bring up the subject without looking like a sexual deviant? Don't women realize how sexy a nicely trimmed private part is?
Is this the kind of thing where one should lead by example?
Likes 'Em Nice and Smooth
Dear Nice and Smooth,
There is a way to get some trim on, but first let's talk about a couple of other things.
Mainly, the chicks in hardcore movies only do the ultra-bare because that's the tradition in the genre. It's a difficult area to maintain. If you ask your girlfriend to completely shave that sucker, you're going to get more than you bargained for when she starts complaining about ingrown hairs, itchiness and barbed-wire stubble. Plus, she's going to miss a lot of the hairs around her ass and more difficult folds, and you're just going to feel extremely icky and embarrassed when face-to-face with it.
Your idea of leading by example might work, if you just buzz yourself (with clippers - don't shave yet) and present it as something you've done and not as something you expect her to do. Just jump on the bed and be all, "Look! Look what I did!" — like it's a lot of fun (maybe have white tube socks on, to make it seem not too serious). Then, just have the clippers in an easy-to-find place in the bathroom in case it develops into anything. Remember: shaving is the next step. For now, you are just getting your foot in the door.
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Ray, I can't believe I'm saying this, but...you are a player hater. I can understand your advice if she was your friend, but dude, ever hear of "Bro's before Ho's"? So the guy has a few baby dolls on his jock, he's not married right? As long as the guy wraps that rascal, let the player play. You're an Alpha cat that rolls around with shades, chains, wearing a freakin' banana hammock, and you gotta problem with multiple partners?!?! Save it man. Tell me why I'm wrong dude, please..
L, Vail
Dear Ghost of Eazy-E,
It is not okay to cheat on someone with whom you share the understanding that you are exclusive sex partners. That was their situation: the girl was led to believe that she was in a monogamous relationship when in fact she was not. If you want to sit around in your hot tub (bath tub) with all your gold chains (macaroni necklace) and stable of ho's (St. Pauli Girl beer coaster), then fine, live that way. It doesn't sound very appealing to me.
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My cat likes to pee in her water dish and she plays in her litter box. I've tried switching their places, so she pees in the litter box, but she still pees in her water dish. Any advice?
Yellow Water
Dear Yellow,
Gosh, this is hard. I've never been in this situation before...I guess I knew this day would come, though, what with me bein' in the advice game and all.
Yellow, your cat is mentally retarded. She can live a normal, long life, but she is retarded. Try to keep her away from other cats, so that they don't taunt her and throw mud at her face and then make her eat the mud, all in her pink overalls and white turtleneck. Our species can be quite cruel to the weaker members of the fold—that's just our primal survival instinct. I'm sorry to have to break this to you.
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"All in her pink overalls and white turtleneck".
Wow.
comic: Achewood
Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 11:12 am
by sparky_Archive
Peripatetic wrote:(I probably don't need to mention this but your relationship has other huge problems.)
This is a beautiful caveat.
comic: Achewood
Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 12:06 pm
by chopjob_Archive
Did anyone shell out for the inaugural (2007) calendar? If so, are you pleased with the purchase?
I was put off by the exorbitant shipping cost.
comic: Achewood
Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 7:38 pm
by big_dave_Archive
Achewood is staggering and doesn't get any less funny as the years go on. In book form it is better and funnier. Laughing at the computer screen gets old.
The slightly craptastic merchandising aside, although some of it seems pretty cool I guess. I bought stickers and buttons. I liked MWYEGTDAT a lot, it is worth the money.
comic: Achewood
Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2007 5:29 am
by mega therion_Archive
Rotten Tanx wrote:Of the ten or so I've read I haven't understood any of them.
comic: Achewood
Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2007 10:33 am
by whiskerando_Archive
The slightly craptastic merchandising
I put achewood in the same camp as homestarrunner as far as the merchandising. both of these sites offer me hours of free entertainment with not so much as a banner ad from another site (which in the case of homestarrunner would be bring in a huge amount of money for them given how many hits they get). they sell shirts and stickers and CDs and books, all of which are related to their sites. it seems no different to me than a band selling shirts and buttons and CDs.
also, i'm glad you bought stuff.
comic: Achewood
Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2007 5:26 pm
by big_dave_Archive
whiskerando wrote:The slightly craptastic merchandising
I put achewood in the same camp as homestarrunner as far as the merchandising. both of these sites offer me hours of free entertainment with not so much as a banner ad from another site (which in the case of homestarrunner would be bring in a huge amount of money for them given how many hits they get). they sell shirts and stickers and CDs and books, all of which are related to their sites. it seems no different to me than a band selling shirts and buttons and CDs.
also, i'm glad you bought stuff.
I love Achewood way too much not to buy it, and also because I read it so much that having it on the bedside table seems a hell of ("hella") a lot less pathetic than looking at the same html over and over. The books and zines are very well done, and I go back to them over and over. I haven't tried the Nice Pete books yet. I'm slightly weary because I've never really "got" the blogs.
I hope Onstad is making lots of money out of it, but there really is a merchandise overdrive that is pushing past common sense.