Marsupialized wrote:I wish I had some sort of device that would amplify the sound and smell of my farts, I dream of farts so loud they set off car alarms 2 blocks over. Farts that smell so putrid the buildings I set them off in are abandoned and demolished soon after.
If I had three wishes that's one of them.

Dork Jon: I have many times thought of something I like to call SmellML, i.e. smell markup language. I didn't google it, so it's mine for a few minutes.

I imagine the AD/DA converter design would need to be made in Russia, Three Mile Island, or Libya, but fuck it, it's worth a try.

timelessly funny as is this thread about them...

several years ago my family and i went to philly for a week, the last night there my sister and i shared a room and she honked out a mexican doorbell that literally hung in the air for an hour!

i was so disgusted and mildly angry but dumbfounded that it could do that...

it's like her asshole just hit the shitty lottery that night...

tmidgett wrote:still funny

does anyone on the planet besides steve still do the 'safety' bit?

When my friends and I shoot pool and someone rips ass we call "door knob" every now and then. It's like hell trying to get to the nearest door knob after that.

Farting will always be funny to me.

I'm immature and laugh at a lot of shit.

this thread is a gas. (boooooooo)

allow me to share a serious reflection on farts:

i'm getting older. on the whole i probably fart more often than in my younger days. over the past year i had alot of issues with my parents, especially with my dad. just coming to terms with the past & where my parents are at now. i'm in a much better place with all that these days & love & respect the old man probably more than ever. but along the way i realised that my farts smell like his. must be genetic. i got that dad smell, like it or not. i was kinda appalled by this for awhile, like "fuck, i can't get away from you, man...long after you're gone, when i break wind you'll be there."

now, i'm at peace with the fact & i might even call it a comfort.

& now, on with the levity!

Why are farts funny?

I mean, what's so hilarious about the expelling of rancid, putrid air from one's own hollow rectum and temporarily infusing an entire room with the horrible odor of stool?

MrFood wrote:
farts smell the way they do because they are composed mainly of methane gas - the stuff that makes them ignite.
anyone who has been near an oil works, a gas works or any other place where methane is sometimes released will tell you that the whole place stinks of farts.

You're actually quite wrong with this, even though farts do in fact contain methane gas, methane in of itself is colorless and odorless. what you are in fact smelling are usually mercaptan compounds, which are also incidentally used to scent petroleum gasses such as naturual gas,propane, butane, and acetylene.

Also, this article suggests that fart gas has a fairly low concentration of methane, ( @ 10%) but a much higher concentration of @ 50% hydrogen.

For the record, Farts are most certainly not crap, though as we all know that can occur in conjuntion with crap.

I'm pretty sure that when somebody farts, what you're smelling is ass. You know, rectum? Stool. Fecal matter. Shit, basically. The bacteria who live in shit generate nasty smells along with the methane gas they produce. Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but I think we can all generally agree that ass fuckin' stinks. Our visceral reaction to those coliform bacteria smells is hard-wired into our brains as a safety mechanism against disease.

But consider this: that trait of being disgusted by shit had to develop at some point along the evolutionary chain. Before that happened, most people had no strong opinion one way or another about the appeal of shit. "Shit? Meh. I've smelled better." Maybe a whole bunch of people even found the sight, smell, and taste of shit to be rather pleasing--a "delicacy" of sorts, and farts to be a "delightful bouquet" for the nose. Of course, these shit-eating folks got very very sick from eating shit and eventually died off, leaving only those who didn't like the taste of shit to live on and reproduce. And that's why we all hate the smell of shit so much.

Kinda makes you stop and think, doesn't it, about the things we take for granted?

this doesn't explain hardee's...

Colonel Panic wrote:I'm pretty sure that when somebody farts, what you're smelling is ass. You know, rectum? Stool. Fecal matter. Shit, basically. The bacteria who live in shit generate nasty smells along with the methane gas they produce. Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but I think we can all generally agree that ass fuckin' stinks. Our visceral reaction to those coliform bacteria smells is hard-wired into our brains as a safety mechanism against disease.

But consider this: that trait of being disgusted by shit had to develop at some point along the evolutionary chain. Before that happened, most people had no strong opinion one way or another about the appeal of shit. "Shit? Meh. I've smelled better." Maybe a whole bunch of people even found the sight, smell, and taste of shit to be rather pleasing--a "delicacy" of sorts, and farts to be a "delightful bouquet" for the nose. Of course, these shit-eating folks got very very sick from eating shit and eventually died off, leaving only those who didn't like the taste of shit to live on and reproduce. And that's why we all hate the smell of shit so much.

Kinda makes you stop and think, doesn't it, about the things we take for granted?

interesting, uh, theory.

i think it's funny that we seem to be hardwired to feel a higher sense of revulsion to shit the closer the animal is to us evolutionarily. as in: contact with human shit is the worst, then maybe monkey shit or something, then dogs, etc., it becomes alot milder when it's from birds, fish, whatever.

dunno about marsupials, maybe someone here has experience?

Well an inference can definitely be drawn from the behavior of monkeys that the shit-repulsion trait developed somewhere along the evolutionary path between the lower primates and modern humans.

Direct video evidence exists that appears to prove otherwise, then again the monkeys may have evolved along a similar shit-avoiding path more recently, after humans split from that particular branch of the order of Primates.