Premier Rock Forum

Adam CR wrote:Ok, bear with me a moment.

We had those 70s remakes, yup? Charlie's Angels, Starsky and Hutch, Farley and Hardjob...um...Rockford Files, Bluesuite's Caravan of Detectives, that other one with the guy...and the guy does that thing and there's all those tickets...er...and the train?

Anyway, you get the idea.

So I'm thinking 'know what's gonna be real big next?' and I'm thinking and thinking and then it comes to me: animal buddy movies.

You know like BJ and the Bear, and that one with Clint Eastwood and the monkey, and Cannonball Run...ok, that was a retard, not an animal, but you get the idea...

Those movies were real big back in the 70s and 80s, and now with computers and morphing, they're gonna be real big again.

Here's the deal:

There's this ex-marine guy (Lenny) who's seen a lot of bad shit (flashbacks to 'Nam) and he's just sitting in his cabin, in a swamp...or mountain, whatever, and he's drinking and being ONE SAD, LONELY SACK OF SHIT!

Then the mail-guy calls one day and there's this letter from a distant relatives lawyer telling him that he's inherited some stuff, and he should come and pick it up. Our guy drives his rusty pickup out to the dead-guy's place and finds...you ready for this?..his relative has left him a koala and a yak.

At first Lenny's all 'I don't need no koala and a yak', but over the next ten minutes, through a few heart-warming scenes involving wrestling and sports we see Lenny coming to love his new koala and yak friends.

He names them Kenny and...Yakky? Whatever...it doesn't matter.

Anyway, Lenny returns (with Kenny and Yakky) home to find another letter...no, not a letter...he finds the head of the secret security someshit...like the CIA or something. The security guy tells him that theres a plot to poison the water...or the trees...maybe trees because of Kenny being koala?

Anyway, there's this plot and Lenny is the only one who can stop the plotters...Russian gangsters, or Arabs or something. Lenny takes some convincing, but says 'ok, but I need my koala and yak buddies'.

The CIA guy needs some convincing but says 'ok, but don't mess up'.

The rest of the movie is all running and fighting, and the Arab/Russian/whatever bad-guys all have animal buddies too...maybe camels or Russian...bears? Whatever they have...

There are plenty of laughs and thrills along the way...it's a roller-coaster ride.

There's probably a scene where Lenny is walking with Kenny and Yakky down the street, and a drunk guy double-takes and throws his bottle away.

The closing scene is Lenny and Kenny and Yakky walking up the Whitehouse drive, soldiers lining the drive and throwing their hats in the air and cheering. Yakky would catch a hat on one of his enormous horns, Lenny, Kenny and Yakky would catch each other's eyes. The audience would be swept-up in the moment of man-animal pride and brotherhood.

There should be a few scenes where Lenny get's it on with a lady; it's important that the audience doesn't suspect a yak/man/koala sex-love-thing.

burndaddy wrote:Set in Qaanaq Greenland, our story is about a talking bicycle and a hermaphroditic ex-porn sta...I'm sorry, have you heard this one before?

trilonaut wrote:Inferna. She has nothing left to lose... and a flamethrower.

a girl's parents are killed in a mysterious fire and somehow this causes her vision to become forever thermographic. kids always wonder why she stares at radiators, steam vents and whatnot. she grows into a voluptuous pyromaniac laying waste to city blocks with special flamethrowers she builds in her volcano lair. these scenes alternate between thermographic views of the flames and standard shots of flickering light and shadow on her teen-idol form as she pouts about, burning stuff up. the one day she's finally caught by the authorities, but they have to let her free when earth is attacked by incredibly powerful yet flammable aliens who only seem to be susceptible to her unique weaponry only she knows how to use. after she takes out all the CGI aliens and the token latex puppet one, she goes onto their ship and takes it to their leader -- the same mysterious fire which killed her parents. dramatic ambient music with hints of cheesy techno plays as she unzips her flame-retardant one-piece and walks into the flames, gasping sensually (through a flanger) as she and the fire become one and dissipate into a wisp of eldritch CGI. a constellation of ashes drifts to earth and floats, ever-spinning, over the spot where her parents were killed. credits roll, with an IDM track featuring the bulgarian women's choir. the soundtrack, which is never actually used in the movie, features evanescence, otep and arch enemy.

(edit: added flame-retardant)

sonianervosa wrote:well my idea is for a play..but it could work on the silver screen too.

alright.
remember the Divine Comedy?

how about
THE INFERNO: THE MUSICAL

except it's actually kind of a comedy..basically Dante's vocal chords get a stretch as he walks through the 9 rings singing about the evils of gluttony and the horror of the three-headed dog. tons of fun.

woody allen as a neurotic virgil? i think so.
maybe even some parodies of some major stuff like "i'm burnin' in the flames" or "old man river".. maybe some stuff from cabaret?

..plus there's no copyright infringement to get fussy about (not talking about the showboat or singin' in the rain though)

hmm..that's all i got.

Marsupialized wrote:
This is the worst idea I have ever heard. I do this all day every day, people come in and tell me their ideas and I say yes or no...all day long, monday thru friday. I've heard thousands....probably closing in a million ideas and none have been anywhere near as bad as this one.

shagboy wrote:meet Lana, a high powered attorney lady. she's going home to meet her family for christmas. she gets on the plane and buckles her seat belt.

meanwhile, by the cockpit, a shady character sneaks out of his seat as the plane taxis on the runway. he ducks into the cabin and... "this is a hijacking!" the pilot freaks out... "what do you want?" "take me to argentina!" the hijacker replies. "fine," says the pilot and prepares for takeoff. "no," says the hijacker, "i'm afraid of flying. we must drive!"

and so they drive across the americas in the 747, clipping trees and running over cars, and eventually Lana and hte hijacker do it.

rocker654 wrote:He then has some pneumatic never-was screenwriter create a script, then has him/her snuffed. He then hires a bunch of nobody actors (Hollywood's full of them) at a discount and shoots low budget (indie cred), all the women are naked, and at the end of this slag fest, everyone-including the hero-is eaten by zombies. Literally. It saves on paychecks to the actors. There is no morality tale here, only senseless and very real violence.

I'll kill you if you steal this from me.