I had this dream on monday. I've embellished it a little to tie up the loose ends.


I've been invited to Tom Hanks colorado mountain top apartment\getaway for one of his Piss parties. Not being a Tom Hanks fan, I knew nothing about these. He is a celebrity though so I feel obligated to go. Plus, some of the guys from Fun Ender were also invited and they were going.

So, we get there and it's not really an apartment at all. It's like a coke lord type place with panoramic windows and white masonry and whatnot. It has a long driveway up to the top. I think we walked it.

We get inside and of course it's pretty swank and theres a lot of socialites there. Nothing seems out of the ordinary, but I keep thinking about how it's called a piss party. I figured that it would be one of those scenes were everything is normal and then on some secret cue, everyone drops their pants and starts pissing on each other Caligula style.

It wasn't nearly that interesting. We had taken our seats on the couch and a few minutes later Mr. Hanks came up to us and thanked us for coming out. Sensing our curiousity, he explained to us that he was extremely environmentally concious and developed a machine to turn convert piss into water (I remember distinctly him always referring to it as piss, not urine or pee or drizzle). I asked him if he got the idea from the Ron Howard movie Apollo 13 that he was in, but I don't remember the answer.
NE WAYZ...
He had these piss parties every once in a while to collect piss from people to use as his own personal water source. He did not want his footprint to be excessive. The weird thing was that drinks were provided. Like, real drinks- not just piss water drinks. I guess he assumed that not only would he need to make sure people were pissing, but he would also be a bad host otherwise.
OKAY...
So it's my turn to give it to him. I'm led into the pissing room and it's totally wacked out. Like, it had this really nice caperted floor and like that black and gold vein marble shit on the walls.
Unfortunately the converter wasn't so righteous. He gave you a straight walled cup to piss into. You were then supposed to pour it into the contraption itself. The cup didn't have any spout and the opening was kind of small so I ended up pissing a lot on the carpet and when I poured what was left over into the contraption, it went everywhere cos it didn't have a spout.

We were invited by mister Hanks to try some of our own piss. I had a little bit, but really- it just tasted like piss. Maybe he just liked drinking piss and made up the machine and environment story as a cover story. We left not long after. I was afraid I'd get in trouble for pissing all over his piss room.

Wow.

I would not see a band called My Tom Hanks Piss Dream

I'm always afraid that if i piss in a dream, i'm going to wake up having pissed my bed. I can only imagine extending that fear to a dream where i'm drinking my own piss.

I think this beats out my Kill Your Own Baby Kit(tm) dream for sheer fucked-upedness.

the Classical wrote:I would not see a band called My Tom Hanks Piss Dream

Fine, but you're missing out. "Forrest Dump," "Splash," and "That Thing You Do" are JAMS.

DrAwkward wrote:I'm always afraid that if i piss in a dream, i'm going to wake up having pissed my bed. I can only imagine extending that fear to a dream where i'm drinking my own piss.

I think this beats out my Kill Your Own Baby Kit(tm) dream for sheer fucked-upedness.

I don't know I think you win, that kill your own baby kit dream was pretty fucked up...

Yeah... Let's hear more about the kit.

I'm interested and have money to invest.

Tom wrote:I was afraid I'd get in trouble for pissing all over his piss room.

That's insane!

I mean, that's what it's there for....

But why would he carpet it?! Unless he wrung it out in Ed Begley Jr's mouth once a year?

Tom wrote:Yeah... Let's hear more about the kit.

I'm interested and have money to invest.

Well, basically, in the dream, i had ordered a Kill Your Own Baby Kit--don't ask me why. It came in a plan, brown box. The contents:

One (1) Baby
One (1) nail

The instructions were pretty self-explanatory: For best results, insert nail into soft spot on top of baby's head. I spent the entire dream trying to work up the nerve to complete this procedure--after all, i had spent good money on it, right? But i couldn't bring myself to assemble the kit, as it were.

Finally, i decided that this was bullshit, and that i would keep the baby and raise it as my own. As i held this child in my arms, promising to love it, care for it, pay for its college, etc...it went limp in my arms and died. At this point, i somehow remembered that the instructions also explained that the Kill Your Own Baby Kit had an expiration date on it.

In my head, the camera seriously pulled back on me as i held this dead baby in my arms, threw back my head, and screamed, "NOOOOOOO!" That's when i woke up, thinking, "...OK, what the fuck was that about?"