Kerble if it's there. Inspired by the "Overheard at Guitar Center" thread mixed with my walk home from Pitchfork fest tonight.

Guy on cell phone, walking down the sidewalk on a quiet middle-teir-fanciness city street:

Loudly, clearly angrily:

"Oh is that what you think?!? Well don't smart-mount me, missy!!! Some day you're gonna get old, too!!! Yeah, that's right!!!"

That's all I caught as we passed on opposite sides of the street.

Today at Rolling Stones record store in Norridge, IL.

Old woman (probably in her 70s) reading Rolling Stones "Forty Licks" track listing over her cell phone:

"Can't get no SA-SASSIFACTION?!"
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Drunk, possibly stoned/tripping girl with bad breath at Unsane show last month:

leans over to me... says "hey!"
I say "yeah?"
She says something along the lines of "I could've been the replacement!"
I say "cool", and walk away.
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At school a few months ago, girl on cellphone:

"Eww she got her pussy pierced, that nasty!"

A few weeks ago at Summerfest, I got to overhear this:

You can sleep through the other bands, but you need to be awake for Def Leppard

The opening bands were Foreigner and Styx.

I was walking past the Aragon Ballroom one evening and on the sidewalk people were queuing for a salsa dance party. I heard a girl in the line say to her friends who had just arrived, "Did jooz gots de tickets?"

In a university computer lab, conducted between two individuals whose tanned skin had the appearance and consistency of a chestnut-brown naugahyde recliner:

Guy: Hey man. You just got back?

Girl: Yesterday. Loved it, just lay out and tanned allllll day.

Guy: What're you using, if I may ask?

Girl: Sure. I start with the Hawaiian Tropic 8, the oil, and after a couple of days, when I've got a good base going, I dial it down to the Hawaiian Tropic 4. And 20 on the face, of course.

Guy: 20 on the face? Why 20 on the face?

Girl: You only have one face.

While watching that Beatles Anthology crap in the mid 90's with a buddy's girlfriend:

What state is Liverpool in?


No, she wasn't thinking about Pennsylvania.

Yesterday, while entering Trader Joe's with my girlfriend, a 40-ish soccer mom kind of woman leaving the store loudly said to her friend "SO I'M AT THE GYNECOLOGIST..." just as they were walking past us, and I sort of went "BAH!" and recoiled in horror. The woman saw me do this, got all embarrassed, and shut up, at least until she got out of earshot from us.

It was great.

I was walking out of the bike shop yesterday after buying my new bike and I was in the middle of telling a story/joke to my wife the guy passing us only heard 'he's one of a only a handful of people I know who has fucked a dead body'
he actually stopped and turned around and said 'what?!'
I said 'this dude I know, he fucked a dead body'
He just turned around real quick and walked away

I bet he's gonna think about that for awhile.

randomly, on the street........

Guy: So I think I got us a deal with Rockstar Energy Drink. All we gotta do is drink it on stage.

Other Guy: Cool. That's cool.