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generally i don t post stuff from grandpa, but this time

Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 9:46 pm
by toomanyhelicopters_Archive
this one had a few things that actually made me laugh out loud, in accordance with The Prophecy. hope someone else gets a laugh out of it, too. cheers.

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20 Ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity!!!!!!

1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In."

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions switch to espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "For Pirahanna Food"

7. Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Switch the sugar near the coffee in the break room to salt.

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

11. Specify that your drive-through order is "To Go."

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Twinkle Toes.

17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!"

19. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity.

20. Send this E-mail to someone to make them smile. Its called Therapy!

yeah, maybe ignore number 20. it's kinda dorky and all.

generally i don t post stuff from grandpa, but this time

Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 9:52 pm
by gratified_Archive
toomanyhelicopters wrote:2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions switch to espresso.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

19. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."


gold.

generally i don t post stuff from grandpa, but this time

Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 9:57 pm
by alexdamon_Archive
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won!"




i do this everytime i use an ATM.

generally i don t post stuff from grandpa, but this time

Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2004 2:27 am
by Macho Man Angry_Dragon_Archive
I have read most of this list somewhere.

generally i don t post stuff from grandpa, but this time

Posted: Sun Dec 19, 2004 7:59 pm
by toomanyhelicopters_Archive
here's a new one from grandpa... all italiano-like...

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Subject: History lesson


A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture.

The Greek says: "We have the Parthenon"

The Italian says: "We have the Coliseum"

The Greek says: "We had great Mathematicians"

The Italian says: "We had the Roman Empire" and so on and so on.

Then the Greek says: "We invented sex."

The Italian says: "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women"

generally i don t post stuff from grandpa, but this time

Posted: Mon Dec 20, 2004 4:44 am
by horsewhip_Archive
toomanyhelicopters wrote:The Italian says: "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women"


This is brilliant.

"Us Greeks, we invented democracy!"
"Yeah, well, you also invented homos!"

generally i don t post stuff from grandpa, but this time

Posted: Mon Dec 20, 2004 8:03 am
by Rotten Tanx_Archive
Asking for your drive through order "to go" is great if you can do it very naturally. Sometimes it confuses them and sometimes they just say "ok".

generally i don t post stuff from grandpa, but this time

Posted: Mon Dec 20, 2004 10:01 am
by ironyengine_Archive
Rotten Tanx wrote:Asking for your drive through order "to go" is great if you can do it very naturally. Sometimes it confuses them and sometimes they just say "ok".


I did this once by accident, while in a hurry, and got laughed at. I would have been outraged if I hadn't felt like such a dipshit.