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All the shitty and/or green bands do it.

They try to describe their oh-so-new sound in terms of common touchstones, but it's NEW: "We're influence by everything from Jaco Pastorius to King Diamond with a bit of Debbie Gibson's pop sensibilities, but with a sound all our own."

Or they describe their physical effects: "Crushing walls of sonic fury rip your face off, but you still want to move your booty. Also, with a sound all our own."

Just Googling the phrase "a sound all our own" turns up pages of atrocities and/or aural sedatives.

So what's the worst self-description from a band you've heard. It's gotta be from the band itself, not a bad writer describing it.

my band descriptions still suck. it's an unavoidable problem -- people will ask you to describe your stuff. you can't just say "you have to hear it for yourself" or "it's hard to describe".

from the AuAu myspace page: "A goddamn nuclear reactor with a broken heart (it just don't react no more).

Influences: yr mom.

LAME.

trilonaut wrote:my band descriptions still suck. it's an unavoidable problem -- people will ask you to describe your stuff. you can't just say "you have to hear it for yourself" or "it's hard to describe".

Yup. The point is, you end up getting forced in to a situation where you HAVE to write something about your own band - and it's one of the most excruciating experiences going. God I hate it. I think it's impossible to write something good.

Ugh even the thought of it makes me shudder. CRAP

I'm not sure if this counts, but the band did actively choose to produce the following flier and include that particular review/description.

http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c390/flstroehmer/Flyers/TOURPOSTERcopySMALL.jpg

Mandroid2.0 wrote:I'm not sure if this counts, but the band did actively choose to produce the following flier and include that particular review/description.

http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c390/flstroehmer/Flyers/TOURPOSTERcopySMALL.jpg

Ow. The English-language part of my brain is bleeding.

I don't think anyone should use "post-" in their band descriptions - post-apocalyptic, post-rock, post-ironic, whatever - particularly if like this lot, you insist you're "atypical" or "anti-trend" or whatever. (OK, you can use it for things like "We rock post-offices" or better "We rock like a post-office" but otherwise...)

Similarly any "we are/rock like a (insert band/genre/animal) on (insert specific drug here)" stuff. Really tired. And dumb.

Exactly what anyone should say, I dunno, but the bombastic/cool/edgy stuff usually comes across as sad - most people are pretty hype-literate/bullshit-aware.

Mandroid2.0 wrote:I'm not sure if this counts, but the band did actively choose to produce the following flier and include that particular review/description.

http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c390/flstroehmer/Flyers/TOURPOSTERcopySMALL.jpg

They ARE called Gollum......

Band self-descriptions like this-

"Spawned from the cess pits of the Four Moons of Planet X, these sonic superheroes met on the brig of a slave-ship in the Persian Gulf, whilst battling the evil captain to free the olive-skinned humans trapped in the hold. After their freedom-fighting mission was complete, Brian started pummeling a tiumph march on some empty oil drums, Jo-Jo wrought an iron guitar from the ship's engine, Bill took up the anchor and rope and thumped out a groovy bassline, and Steve-O grabbed the bullhorn and poured his blood-curdling vokills over the intercom. Thus Lickety and the Splits was born"-

suck.

somebody from King's X wrote:"Beatlesque harmonies, with a heavy metal crunch"

I cannot find the direct quote, but I vividly remember that from some old magazine interview...

Some of my old high-school/college buddies and I still occasionally pull that old chestnut out when sarcastically describing one of these "a sound all our own" type of bands...

(sorry1990)

Dudley wrote:Similarly any "we are/rock like a (insert band/genre/animal) on (insert specific drug here)" stuff. Really tired. And dumb.

Don't forget the "we sound like (band/musician) having sex with (other band/musician/something else) etc....". That bit is often suffixed with the "on (x) drug" thing.

I do not want to hear junkie musicians having sex. I want to hear a band.