you know, the emabarrassing stuff you don't tell anyone about, whether it's an accident or not....

For instance, sometimes I get up from taking a dump and not wipe on purpose, because I am heading right into the shower, but sometimes I'll get sidetracked, by the phone or something, and walk around for a while not remembering I'm not so fresh....maybe this is a bad example...

Maybe it is something you did when you were younger...Like one time my uncle let me borrow a guitar and I was all drunk, fucking around with it and I fell on it and broke it in half...but I told him I lost it ....anyway,

feel free to share some personal insanity amongst yourselves.....

This could be the best post I've ever read.

This is quite funny. I just made a crap/not crap post recently of personal wiping methods. Just getting up after moving my bowels without wiping would probably be too icky for me, but hearing someone else do it is damn halarious. The thought of you falling on your guitar and breaking it in half is killing me. Ive done plenty of embarassing things, as soon as I start remembering some of them, ill post it

Best topic ever.

I fuck up all the time.
once I was at my ex-g/f's house getting drunk with a bunch of friends, you know drinking, talking, listening to loud music, ect. whatever. anyway I had a drinking problem, esp. with vodka, and drank about two liters in the course of a little less than two hours. this made me sick but i hadnt eaten anything all day so i wandered into the bathroom and dry heaved for about 15 minutes, after which i passed out under the sink. my then g/f's slightly crazy mother then walked in an took a shit whilst i passed out. an indeterminable ammount of time later i got up and walked into my g/f's bedroom, where the drinking was occuring, and as soon as i got in the room i face planted on the floor and passed out again. I make an ass out of myself.
there are alot of those stories with me. thats why i gave up drinking.

One time a few years ago - after a night of drinking way too much - I woke up feeling terribly hungover and with no recollection of most of the night before.
I managed to make some coffee and took it outside to get some fresh air. A few minutes later my wife came out and said: "Well... you certainly were fun last night. We should definitely try that again sometime".

Maybe I'm better off not knowing, maybe not. Or maybe it's her own little practical joke on me.

One time a friend and i and his ugly girlfriend at the time were walking through the mall and we came across this incredibly sexy blonde with green eyes working at one of those cart/store things. it just so happened I was single and she was single and she happened to be the ugly girl's cousin. we all talked for a while and my friend and his troll girlfriend went to do some shopping and I chatted up this chick.
thing were going pretty well and my friend and princess ugly came back and we had to leave. I started walking away saying stuff like "okay, well I guess I will see you around" and " I am sure we will talk again" and other bullshit to make me seem smooth and mysterious.
I was walking away backwards and keeping eye contact all the while all I could think was " I'm the fonz, I'm the fonz" when I turned around just in time to walk straight into the cart/stand for the little glass figurines. the whole fucking thing shook and all the glass clanked together like a retarded wind-chime.
wow. what a moron. I was still embarassed like two hours later when I noticed my friend still hadn't stopped laughing yet. at least I never dated a troll, though.
hee-haw!

this is extremely embarassing but what the hell. basically i got really drunk one night and couldnt drive home so a friend insisted i stay with him until i was ok to drive. before i knew it i was giving someone who was supposedly my friend a blow job. it was really bad. we havent really talked since.

I accidentally bump into the lightswitch panel in this crowded bar that turns the house lights on and the stage lights off. Sorry, folks...please continue. I believe the bartender even called me a "big galoot," for the first time ever.

After a show, thinking I'm stepping off the stage but I trip and my foot goes through a monitor on the edge of the stage instead...oops.

I'm sure there are more in the memory bank.

Number 1:

While I was in college, a few of my friends and I were walking around the dorm complex. We ran into some common friends and some strangers as well. I asked this group of people what they had been up to:

Me: "What'd you guys do tonight?"

Guy: "We went and saw the poster children"

Me: "I'm sorry"

Guy: "Why?"

Me: "Because you had to sit through Cap'n Jazz. That band sucks, so fucking much, god I hate them"

Group of people: (silence, crickets chirping)

Me: "I've offended someone, haven't I?"

Guy: (pointing thumb at dude next to him): "Yeah, he's their singer."

Me: "Kool. I'll see you guys later."

Faiz:Exit Stage Left.


Number 2:

I teach junior high kids. Once, we were learning about the Associative property. As I was writing it on the board, a student asked a question. I stopped writing and turned around to answer the question. Chaos ensued.

Curious as to what was so funny, I turned back to look at the board:

Mr. Razi wrote:Ass

smooth. Way to keep 7th graders calm enough to learn.


Faiz

kerble wrote:Number 1:

While I was in college, a few of my friends and I were walking around the dorm complex. We ran into some common friends and some strangers as well. I asked this group of people what they had been up to:

Me: "What'd you guys do tonight?"

Guy: "We went and saw the poster children"

Me: "I'm sorry"

Guy: "Why?"

Me: "Because you had to sit through Cap'n Jazz. That band sucks, so fucking much, god I hate them"

Group of people: (silence, crickets chirping)

Me: "I've offended someone, haven't I?"

Guy: (pointing thumb at dude next to him): "Yeah, he's their singer."

Me: "Kool. I'll see you guys later."

Faiz:Exit Stage Left.


Number 2:

I teach junior high kids. Once, we were learning about the Associative property. As I was writing it on the board, a student asked a question. I stopped writing and turned around to answer the question. Chaos ensued.

Curious as to what was so funny, I turned back to look at the board:

Mr. Razi wrote:Ass

smooth. Way to keep 7th graders calm enough to learn.


Faiz

Both completely fantastic. The first though.... that is so awesome.


Mine:

Out to breakfast with a group of people, one of them relatively well known for both his musical abilities and vicious temper. Everything was fine until it was time to pay up. Everyone ponied up their share and continued with the conversation. The waiter came around and asked if he could take up the bill. Not thinking I said yeah and that we were good with it. 5 minutes later person above asked when the waiter was coming back with change. Turns out he ended up leaving like 15 bucks for a 5 dollar breakfast. Fortunately, all I got was a little grumbling. I could tell he was pissed though.