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Tonight, I came home from playing music with my friend LeeAnn with a sense of absolute urgency. Earlier today, I took a laxative. Nothing major. It said it was a mild laxative. During the last 30 minutes of jamming with LeeAnn, I knew that train was coming. I said “Let’s wrap this up” and got the hell out of there. I didn’t want to use the practice space toilet. It has a weak flush, and I knew I’d be plunging for a long while, trying to get that log bass out of the pipe’s right-of-way for at least a half hour, maybe more. Big things were about to happen.

My toilet at home is amazing. When we did the refurb on the house, I wanted two things- a bathtub I could fit in, and a toilet that could take whatever a 6’5” 270 lb man could throw its way. There’s also the bidet, but that’s just gravy. I don’t need it, but goddamn, I want it. There’s a lot of incentive to try and hold off and do my business at home. I put the pedal to the metal, and was in the driveway in no time.

Fumbling with the keys. Why do all of the other keys come blooming out of my pocket? Why is the front door key so shy?

I get in. I run through the kitchen and down the hall. Through the bedroom. I open the bathroom door. My lady is taking one of those seance baths. Candles everywhere. SHIT! I run out of the bathroom and down the hall again to the other bathroom. What a privilege, to have a two-holer, but I know this one won’t take what’s coming ‘round the bend. It’s an even weaker flush than the practice space toilet. I run back to the seance. I apologize profusely and kick her out. She says it’s ok, but I know it’s not ok. She gets out of the tub, wraps herself in a towel, and exits. I poo by candlelight.

After I’m done, we have a weird argument. We walk a fine line between comedy and genuine annoyance. She never takes baths. I never poop at night. What a strange confluence of unlikely events. It was a perfect storm.

I will never poop in front of someone I love. It just doesn’t seem right. My parents were the type of couple who could casually drop deuces in front of one another. I always thought it was weird and inappropriate, a sign of disrespect, but my folks were a pretty tight unit and were married until one of them passed.

Tell me, PRF…am I being uptight? Should I learn to de-fecate in front of a loved one? I was married to someone for 13 years, along with a few other shack-ups. Never once did I poop in front of those people, and I didn’t want them pooping in front of me. Being on the throne is the very essence of me-time. If anytime should be sacred, it’s when I’m making dirt.

NO

I have been married for a little over 25 years. We have lived in our house for almost 20 of those years. The bathroom adjacent to our bedroom is where I do my business. If my wife, who you know well, is in the bedroom when it is time to cut some cable, I walk in and say, I need the room. She does not hesitate to gather whatever she is reading or watching on her laptop. I should clarify that she spends a great deal of time in our room, either playing guitar or keyboards, or playing her VR games in our bathroom, which is almost as big as our bedroom. Nevertheless, she steps right out without a word, jewel that she is. I then revert to Al Bundy and sit on the toilet until my feet fall asleep, looking at my phone or any of the old zines hanging on the rack in front of the toilet that date back to the mid 90's. I make a lot of noise! I have avoided hemorrhoids for all these years by not trying to shit too fast, is what I believe. The bottom line is, I don't want anyone within 30 feet of me when it's time to drop a deuce.

Having said that, when we're laying in bed in the morning and getting cuddly, she will jump up and do her business and be back in bed faster than I could have peed and washed my hands. I think it's because she eats so much kale and other healthy stuff that I don't fuck with. I ate chili dogs tonight, for fuck's sake.

We prefer to be alone for those matters. I guess 99% of people prefers it. But sometimes, specially on a busy morning, we might have to share the bathroom during a poopie moment and... well, we can deal with that. No dramas. She is more reluctant to do it than me though. All women are, I've heard.

'seance bath' brought me a lot of joy, thank you.

i would always prefer to be alone at this time.

If you already fart in front of your partner you are halfway there for a fart is just a failed dump. Stop being a wuss.

rsmurphy wrote: Thu Dec 18, 2025 5:18 am If you already fart in front of your partner you are halfway there for a fart is just a failed dump.

We don’t do that either, at least openly and loudly.

Some boundaries don’t need to be crossed. Doors exist for a reason.

rsmurphy wrote: Thu Dec 18, 2025 5:18 am If you already fart in front of your partner you are halfway there for a fart is just a failed dump. Stop being a wuss.

Bingo! Farts are funny and everyone poops, or so I'm told by a book the kids had when they were 3. Yes, I have "my" bathroom in the house, but it's not a sacred space, and neither me or my wife are the type to spend long periods of time sitting on the can reading or navel gazing or whatever. I ain't got all day, I have stuff to do. Shit or get off the pot as they say. If Momma or me walk in on the other, it's "oops, sorry for the interruption, just gonna grab this thing here and be off".

Grew up in a family of five in a house with one bathroom... so as a kid, it was something I was used to.

Now, no. No. NO. I need to be as far away as possible from anyone when I'm taking a dump.

Also, my wife would kick my ass if I asked her to end her bath early so I could shit.

rsmurphy wrote: Thu Dec 18, 2025 5:18 am If you already fart in front of your partner you are halfway there for a fart is just a failed dump. Stop being a wuss.

HOF ya sick fuck