I'm really bad at the whole "not getting stuff on me while I eat thing".
I own one white shirt and no matter what I do it gets stained every time I wear it.
The last time I wore the damn thing I somehow got a big Kool-Aid stain on it.
It has finally occurred to me as to how things like this happen.
I should probably stopping trying to eat and drink colored beverages while lying down.

i can get dirty eating jelly beans. any sauce will find my sleeve.

i'm pretty prim with a fork and knife, and can manage not to get crumbs on myself when eating cookies etc., but whenever i eat a gyro i always end up with tzatiki all over my hands. i don't eat them on dates.

same wrote: whenever i eat a gyro i always end up with tzatiki all over my hands.

I can't imagine having a gyro without experiencing this.

I might be a messy eater, but I'm real o.c.d. when it comes to the table and cleaning up after myself. Especially on dates. Maybe it was from the 3 mos. I worked as a buss boy, but I try to help out the wait-person as much as possible.

My unconscious habit of geometrically arranging my napkins/silverware/drink, etc. is starting to concern me though...


"show me all the blueprints...blueprints....show me all the blueprints...."

Sauce=on the shirt.
Mustard=on the shirt.
Salsa=on the shirt.

you name it, i eat it...and wear it.

Bread...do you ever have a plate (at home or in a restuarant) that is surrounded by bread crumbs? It looks like they're trying to flank my fucking plate by the time I'm done. At first I thought this was "normal," but then I started to notice other folks not having this issue???

I have etiquette and manners??? What am I doing wrong?

I am a filthy fuck when I eat. For this reason, I do not enjoy eating in public.

I only eat when I'm starving, therefore, when I eat, I NEED to FUCKING EAT.

I get shit all over the place. Not only am I messy, but I can eat faster than anyone. Seriously.

I quit buying white shirts a long time ago.

Funny = Me eating Buffalo Wings on my lunch break

Yeah.

I fancy myself to be a neat eater, but that sort of delusion was shattered not moments ago when my girlfriend pointed out some dried soup stains on my white t-shirt. Upon retrospect, I realize I often leave the tablecloth of a certain indian restaurant I frequent stained as well. I guess I am just a common slob.

I'm Felix Unger. Neat boy.

If I'm eating (even sloppy Mexican food or Italian food), I rarely get any on me.

At times, my girl will notice a speck of sauce or refried beans near my mouth, and point it out immediately, even if I just took a bite 3 seconds ago.

I will then torment her by wedging a large tortilla chip under my glasses or spreading some more sauce on my cheek. Even if the restaurant is crowded. She hates that.

I'm a nice clean eater. I also use my fork funny, and I don't understand why. Recently I ran into another continental eater here and I was very excited.

"where did you grow up!?" I pressed her.
"Oh, just from here, but this is how I've always eaten"

I think she seemed the sort to read too many jane austen novels.

i am a clean, persnickety dude. unless i am working on my bike, in which case i am VRROM "PANHEAD" MUSCLECUTTY, dirty greasenail yarrbellow.

i never drip my sauces. and i never stain my vestments. but goodness do i leave behind some crumbs and some lettuce trimmings and some vestigial soupspots.

i make sure to tip extra just because of it.