Sonic Youth: please change your name to Sonic Nursing Home. It'd be more accurate.

Dear Giant Sand, your fine songs are of the finest caliber, but the noodley stuff gets a little old on record.

Dear Chavez, thank you for never making another record. I don't think my heart could have taken any more favorite songs articulated exactly the way I would hope to hear them.

Dear Roger Waters, you are a chump for not burying the hatchet for 1-2 years worth of touring. The Ramones played for years together without talking off stage. 2 years of playing music that you love, and that millions of people love, and then you could throw in the towel and create endless amounts of "almost" opera/off-broadway show, set to spotty genius music, with millions of your own cash.

Dear Enon: I liked you better with Rick Lee, and i hear he's a dick.

Dear Warlocks, You'll never be as good as Brian Jonestown Massacre.

Giddy Motors; 6ish years and about 1 hour of music? Tosh.

Mazec wrote:Shellac: You guys should practice more often.

You tell them, girlfriend!

Bruce Springsteen, why oh why did you rewrite 867-5309 for your newest single?


Guess you've done it before though. Don't act like we don't know you just figured out a Suicide song on guitar and called it "State Trooper".

Sonic Youth, please stop making records and fade into obscurity before you do your fans more psychic torture.

Shane McGowan, your unhealthy appearance disturbs me.

Killdozer, you guys look like hick Republicans.

David Thomas, you're fat and you sweat too much.

Bob Dylan, you should've stopped publicly making music at least 25 years ago.

Boredoms, the drum circles are boring and a lot of your ideas lately have been overzealous. You're approaching Mike Patton territory.

Les Rallizes Denudes, you no longer exist, and if you still did, you probably wouldn't play a show in my backyard every night.

Hella, you were much better before you were the Mars Volta.

Ween, you're terminally unfunny and clearly doing something wrong in the studio because virtually every song of yours sounds better live.