When God gives you locusts, make locustade.

Measure twice, cut once.

I remember being about 16 and reading an Irvine Welsh book (I forget which) that had the line "something will happen, something always happens". At the time I thought this was meant to be meaningful and so started applying it to various shitty situations, kinda like "que sera, sera" or some other tautological bulljive.

I reread the book a couple of years later and realised it was just a throwaway line with no meaning behind it at all.

"It's not me, It's you."

"Character is fate."

From Proverbs:
"As a dog returns to his vomit, so the fool returns to his folly."

I also remember this one from Finding Nemo, spoken by Dory to Nemo's overprotective father:

"If you don't let anything happen to him, nothing will ever happen to him."

If you're a weirdo, a nut, or someone who is incomprehensible to most of the population, you usually have the choice of being less than human or more than human.


"when we're alone, its real tough going, we tend to take a part in someone else's play."
-PIL

a favorite:

"if you put your hand in shit, you're gonna get shit on your hand."

Another one, this time from my late Grandfather's endless supply of useful phrases. This one concerns eating all your dinner.

"If ye dinny eat, then ye dinny shit. And if ye dinny shit, yer deid."

Translated this means:

"If you don't eat, then you won't be able to shit. And if you are unable to shit, then you will die."

My grandpa:

"Wish in one hand and shit in the other then see what you get."

Why are all grandpas obessesed with shit?

"Appreciate every negative experience"