Ekkssvvppllott wrote:This is a really good thread, btw.

Agree.

I cannot think of any interesting secrets from my previous 'career' other than the fact that many high-up network heads are serious egomaniacs, but here is one from the work that I've been doing for the last month or two:

All those boxes from manufacturers that say "handle with care" and "fragile" and things of that sort that get put on a big truck at the distributor's warehouse? Not handled with anything resembling 'care.' Mostly thrown onto the truck haphazardly. WHO KNEW!

Ekkssvvppllott wrote:

Dr. Venkman wrote:Never, EVER open a closed bucket of joint compound on a construction site. EVER. I cannot stress this enough.

Why? Is it particularly toxic or dangerous?


This is a really good thread, btw.

Seconded. I learned this one the hard way.

Construction sites often don't have adequate restroom facilities so folks will generally piss behind trees and poop in spackel buckets.

Also, don't buy anything over the phone from a telemarketer. "Sucker lists" are circulated among call centers and include your credit card info. We used to swap this info and just run sales to boost our commissions. Also try not to piss them off too bad because they will think nothing of calling you back just fuck with you because it's a fun way to kill some time and take out aggression .
The best way to deal with telemarketers is a polite but firm "Thanks but no. Please take me off your list."
When they try to pitch you a second time just say "I'm sorry I have to go. Please take me off your list." and hang up.

Now comes the angry makeup sex part.

I help a nonprofit raise money.

In about fifteen seconds, I can find how much stock someone owns, how much money is in their pension plan, how many bathrooms their house has, how much they borrowed to buy their home and how many years are left on the loan, etc.

tinycorkscrew wrote:I help a nonprofit raise money.

In about fifteen seconds, I can find how much stock someone owns, how much money is in their pension plan, how many bathrooms their house has, how much they borrowed to buy their home and how many years are left on the loan, etc.

Dude, awesome.

Bartenders actually love giving away drinks. We look for excuses to do it.

We hate people with the damned impertinence to actually ask for a free drink. ("It's my birthday, where's my shot?") We look for reasons to overcharge you and hope that you won't notice.

I've never seen a bartender spit in a drink, put a pube in it, or stir it with his penis. I have seen bartenders fail to put any alchohol at all in a drink, and charge full price for it.

If you are prick, we take great pleasure in cockblocking. I mean, it's like our favorite thing to do.

If you are nice guy, and tip well, we can get on your side in a hurry, and don't mind helping out.

Yes, we avoid waiting on people who wave, snap their fingers, or shout to get our attention. In fact, I may never wait on you if you are snapping your fingers.

Everytime I'm asked to draw a stupid shamrock in the foam of a pint of Guiness, I "mess up" and draw a little cock-and-balls instead.

If you complain that your Long Island Ice Tea is "too weak", we will never, ever take anything you say seriously again.

We employees of bars and restaurants hate this damn no-smoking ban more than any of you pack-a-day cancer-cases. This is because we are generally hospitable people who, as good hosts, are very uncomfortable policing our guests' behavior. In addition to the near-Draconian dram-shop laws and their attendant liability, I can't believe that I even have time to make a drink anymore.

pwalshj wrote:If you see water coming from your ceiling don't run in circles going "oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck". Grab a ladder and poke several holes in the ceiling to allow the water to drain into a bin. This will save you a lot of money in repairs and also keeps the whole ceiling from falling on your head or the heads of loved ones.

Did this yesterday at work actually. Sadly I got to it when it had formed a little pocket already and although I wasn't standing directly underneath it, it proceeded to shoot in my direction with some landing in my mouth. I'm not sure how the guy eating chicken curry a table away didn't laugh.

Your chances of winning a phone-in competition are (were) roughly zero. This is simply because staff at every level of production companies and publishers steal all the prizes.

Staff at the coal-face know that thievery is rife throughout the hierarchy of production companies because as often as not, the prizes that they are in line to 'win' are 'won' by somebody further down the chain. And so on.

Remember that scene in the Superman movie when Richard Pryor steals from the wages of all the employees, and then arrives at work (just as the boss is saying "whoever did this will keep his head low...") in a Ferrari? That's what it was like almost every day if you worked for production companies involved in phone competitions.

"Have a good weekend?"

"Yeah, got VIP tickets for the cup final..."

If you have a strong accent, or don't sound excitable, your chances of winning a TV/Radio phone competition go from zero to minus 10.

If still insist on entering these things, your best chance is to only enter competitions where the winner will be on air (via the phone) and (when leaving your details on the automated system) speak, very, very clearly while being a woman and sounding excitable.

i don't know know about other kroger stores, but the one i used to work at in my teens didn't have cameras, they were too cheap to buy them...so they'd spy on customers with binoculars from the crow's nest...

FMajcinek wrote:Yes, we avoid waiting on people who wave, snap their fingers, or shout to get our attention. In fact, I may never wait on you if you are snapping your fingers.

If you're one of those singers with an "I'm-a-headliner" attitude at the street fair main stage and present the behavior described above to the guy at the monitor desk, you'll find a friendly smile and quick response to your demand. You'll also find pitch shifter set for a 1/4 tone sharp in your wedge or IEM.

Learn to solder. If you know nothing of electron flow but can solder well, you open up the box, solder everything (except surface mount parts) and you can fix any gear that's broken 50% of the time.