The Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel wrote:A 57-year-old south side man, who might have been struggling with a hangover, is charged today with shooting his lawn mower with a sawed-off shotgun.
"I'll tell you the truth," a criminal complaint quotes an apparently inebriated Keith Walendowski. "I got pissed because my lawn mower wouldn't start, so I got my shotgun and shot it.
"I can do that. It's my lawn mower and my yard, so I can shoot it if I want," Walendowski told police.
Ignorance of the law, however, is not a legal defense.
Walendowski is charged with a felony count of possessing a short-barreled shotgun and a misdemeanor count of disorderly conduct while armed. If convicted of both charges, he faces up to six years and nine months in prison.
The shooting occurred Wednesday at a home Walendowski shares with his mother in the 3500 block of S. Austin St.
According to the complaint, Walendowski had been drinking all morning. Around 9:30 a.m., he attempted to start his 21-inch Lawn-Boy - unsuccessfully.
After shooting the mower, he went in his basement, where he was arrested by police, the complaint says.
Police recovered the shotgun, shells, a handgun, rounds for the handgun and a stun gun.
Dick Wagner of Wagner's Garden Mart, 6075 N. Green Bay Ave., said shooting the mower didn't help Walendowski's odds of getting it repaired.
"Anything not factory recommended would void the warranty," he said.
That's solid gold writing, right there. Who the hell interviews the Garden Mart owner for his take on lawn mower shotgun damage repairs? Crocker Stephenson, that's who.