207
by jbar_Archive
Tomorrow is 8 months, but I'm going to post this today because I got a busy ass week.8 months seems significant to celebrate because it's the longest amount of time I've gone sober since the last time I tried to give it up. It was very much a solitary attempt the first go round, and I never really found peace during that period. Contrast with this attempt. When I gave up the hooch, I was mourning the loss of my grandmother and anticipating the imminent death of my uncle. I came to realize that a lot of the people I interacted with had no interest in my well being, that I absolutely despised my job, and that quite possibly a danger to myself and/or others. But I knew I was giving it up or giving myself up. So I reached out and talked about it. Here and elsewhere. I posted my intentions to quit and was immediately dogpiled with PMs, inquiries, well wishes, etc. For someone who was a stranger to almost all of you, it was pretty humbling. I was in an emotionally unstable position and was/am/continue to be overwhelmed by the mad support from a lot of people. You all know who you are, and I cannot thank you enough. From the bottom of my heart, I apologize if I alarmed anyone. A buddy of mine offered to take me in at the end of Christmas. His wife absolutely backed him up 100%. I quit a job I hated, got rid of a lot of shit, put the rest in a storage room, and hit the road to Seattle. I had to live with 2 very small versions of my oldest friend in the world. It was weird, awesome, and exceptionally slimy. Kids are slimy, y'all. I like to think I've become something of a sensation in the household, playing Buck Owens on guitar and always having a corner of my shirt to offer up for booger duty. Incredibly humbling to be reminded that someone likes me enough to put me up for almost half a year while I work on myself. Having the chance to hit the reset button was crucial, and it helped me work out some of the concerns I had over quitting. Mainly, the social aspect. I went on a lot of first dates, awkward as hell, uncomfortable in my own skin because I couldn't suck a beer or three down before or during. I just had to be me. It took a lot of work (and a lot of awkward conversation) but I'm much more comfortable in my own skin now. It feels pretty amazing. I guess I'll never not be weird, and I still talk too much, but I have a much better grasp on what my personality is like fresh, and not from a can.Special thanks to the Seattle PRF people. Brackets for the excellent show, the two shows by comedy troupe The Bismarck, and especially Chris Jury for regaling me with Godheadsilo stories, buying me noodles, and introducing me to the Formidable Tom Kipp and his giant record collection. I spoke to a lot more of you in passing or at a show, and all of you were awesome. It hasn't all been sunshine and La Croix, but I feel like the positives aren't allowing me a lot of time or energy to focus on negativity. So fuck off, negativity.For all of you struggling with anything or everything, I hope this place makes it easier. Trust me when I tell you that I believe in you, and I would do anything within my limited capabilities to help you if I can. It's the very least I can do, and believe me when I say people here will be fighting each other for the privilege to do the same.Thank you PRF.