BadComrade wrote:Why do they always insist on handing you your bills with the CHANGE ON TOP OF THE BILLS? Who decided this was a good idea? How many times has the retard behind the counter spilled your change all over the fucking place because it slid off the bills.

Ha ha.

Second only to when they slam the change down on the counter and you're left picking up each individual coin like a scavenger!

tommydski wrote:i now work in a bar part-time while i'm at university.
yesterday a man asked for a lemonade shandy. for some reason he seemed rather puzzled when i handed him a pint of lemonade.

ahem...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shandy



he was after half lemonade, half beer.

next time recommend a Turbo Shandy (half smirnoff ice/mikes/whatever alcoholic lemonade, half beer)

There was one time a lady called up and asked if we sold travel cases. I explained that we could order them in but would need some dimensions to get a better idea of what she was looking at cost wise. She explained to me that the object was a spherical and very delicate, and kept on repeating those words whenever I'd poke a little deeper to find out exactly what she was doing. After I took down her name and number it struck me, my suspitions were true; she was one of those pyschic radio personalities and needed a case to carry her crystal ball onboard planes. I just thought it was funny how she avoided at all costs using the words 'crystal ball'.

I wonder if she knows I'm writing this about her...

People yelling in to their cell phone "Hey buddy, can you turn the music down?" That's when I turn the cell phone jammer on

Does that work?

BadComrade wrote:
People yelling in to their cell phone "Hey buddy, can you turn the music down?" .

I actually save up all the anger i have for this one. So i can tell the jackass "no" Take it outside Danzig!

I think i have told this story before but a woman asked me if we had the
Police album in stock that had Sting singing on it.

i was, and still am baffled by this question.

Or "Led Zeppellin is that filed under L or Z?"

customer: "Do you have the Black King?"
me: "the what?"
customer: "the Black King"
me: "the what?"
customer: "you know, the movie with the Rock in it?"
me: "Oh.....you mean the Scorpion King, nooooo, that's still in the theater"

seriously, people think that just because they see something on tv, they can come down to the store and buy it.

customer: "Do you have Jacklugh (this is an approximation Jaa-Kloo?)"
me: "pardon me?"
customer: "I'm looking for Jacklugh"
me: "We have Earl Klugh, is that what you're looking for?"
customer: "no. Jacklugh"
me: "can you spell that?"
customer: "no."

(repeat same conversation for three other occasions).

customer: "Can you help me find a record?"
me: "sure."
customer: "I'm looking for this band, some of the songs are instrumental, some of them have lyrics, and there's a guy singing."
me: "uh....."
customer: "do you know which record I'm talking about?"
me: [blinking repeatedly]

customer: "Do you have Fern Gully?"
me: "yes, here it is."
customer: "thank you."
me: "you're welcome."


idiots.

I work at a health clinic that specializes in HIV treatment, testing and research. The questions and comments that I'm bombarded with daily are enough to make me piss myself from laughing so hard, or, run to the nearest gun shop to make mincemeat out of certain fucktards.

My faves are the perverts. You know that they're not asking for information, they're asking for masturbation-fodder: "what if I ejaculate on my partner's face?" "My penis feels funny," "Can you tell me if my penis feels funny?" Shit like that. What's more pathetic than humorous is the amount of misinformation out there in regard to HIV and STD transmission.

Aside from all of that is the routine dumbness that's prevalant. It never ceases to amaze me how adults can act like children in certain circumstances, particularly when it comes to time. Clients have a fifteen minute grace period to get their slack-asses to their "important" and "critical" appointments. Sixteen minutes they have to re-schedule. One dipshit came in almost an hour late:

Me: Hello!

Dipshit: My name is Dipshit and I'm here to see Dr.________

Me: Unfortunately you are late for your appointment and you'll need to reschedule.

Dipshit: Why?

Me: Well, you're almost an hour late and the doctor has other patients to see.

Dipshit: HEY! I'm only forty minutes late!

Fucko fought his way in and won. Asshole.

I spent a good amount of time working at West Coast music chain, The Wherehouse. People from California will remember its slogans: "Where? The Wherehouse!" and "Movies, Music, and a whole lot more!" Well, a boss decided that we should begin answering the phone by saying, "Thank you for calling the Wherehouse, your place for movies, music and a whole lot more. This is _____."

It was demeaning, so we used to fuck around while doing it. My favorite method would be to begin listing that week's new releases and special/sale items ("Top Hits"). This was a fairly long list, most customers would hang up within one or two minutes. The Holy Grail was to make it all the way through the list. One morning, about 11 a.m., I answered the phone, and began my own personal quest for that Grail. Nearly 15 minutes later, with both of my coworkers nearly in tears from laughter, my excitement building, I came to the end of the list of newly released rental videos- the very end of a very long list. The caller had uttered nary a stammer the entire time, but I knew she was listening, because her tubercular wheeze reported regularly throughout the speech. As I finished, I uttered a great gasp, caught my breath and said, "This is Josh, may I help you?"

An old-sounding lady responded, "Yes, are you open today?"

joshsolberg wrote:I spent a good amount of time working at West Coast music chain, The Wherehouse. People from California will remember its slogans: "Where? The Wherehouse!" and "Movies, Music, and a whole lot more!" Well, a boss decided that we should begin answering the phone by saying, "Thank you for calling the Wherehouse, your place for movies, music and a whole lot more. This is _____."

It was demeaning, so we used to fuck around while doing it. My favorite method would be to begin listing that week's new releases and special/sale items ("Top Hits"). This was a fairly long list, most customers would hang up within one or two minutes. The Holy Grail was to make it all the way through the list. One morning, about 11 a.m., I answered the phone, and began my own personal quest for that Grail. Nearly 15 minutes later, with both of my coworkers nearly in tears from laughter, my excitement building, I came to the end of the list of newly released rental videos- the very end of a very long list. The caller had uttered nary a stammer the entire time, but I knew she was listening, because her tubercular wheeze reported regularly throughout the speech. As I finished, I uttered a great gasp, caught my breath and said, "This is Josh, may I help you?"

An old-sounding lady responded, "Yes, are you open today?"

so Good... sooo Good...

I think I have a 2-way tie.

The first one, I was in telemarketing, calling suburban residences selling people tickets to a music concert... Crystal Gayle and Eddie Rabbit, for $13.50 a ticket, to benefit the North Suburban Professional Firefighters Association. This was in highschool...

I called a number, a woman answered "hello?" and I started into my pitch.
She cut me off and said "we're not interested!"
I asked "In what?"
She said "In anything!"
I said "Wow, that must be a terrible life, not being interested in anything!"
She hung up on me.

The other one was when I was working as a cashier, 3rd shift, at the Speedway gas station at Devon and Arlington Heights road in Itasca.

A guy comes up to the register with this weird smile on his face. Which, on 3rd shift, is not noteworthy.
He says "I finally came out of the closet about my sexuality."
I say, in earnest, "good for you!"
He says "Yeah, I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body".

?