BadComrade wrote:So yeah... when people toss their credit card at me, I always run it through the machine, and then I wing it off the counter top so they have to pick it up off the floor.
[...]
Then one day, I said "If you fucking whistle at me again, I'm going to punch you in the fucking face"

literally, i LOL

sometimes i really miss working in a record store

i have some good ones written down someplace. will look.

"Why can't you use my Spin Doctors CD?"

i once had to explain to randy johnson why i could only give him X dollars for whatever crappy promo cds he was trading in. this was maybe a year before he got his shit together as a pitcher. he glowered above me over the counter the whole time. it was funny.

toomanyhelicopters wrote:I think I have a 2-way tie.

The first one, I was in telemarketing, calling suburban residences selling people tickets to a music concert... Crystal Gayle and Eddie Rabbit, for $13.50 a ticket, to benefit the North Suburban Professional Firefighters Association. This was in highschool...

I called a number, a woman answered "hello?" and I started into my pitch.
She cut me off and said "we're not interested!"
I asked "In what?"
She said "In anything!"
I said "Wow, that must be a terrible life, not being interested in anything!"
She hung up on me.

The other one was when I was working as a cashier, 3rd shift, at the Speedway gas station at Devon and Arlington Heights road in Itasca.

A guy comes up to the register with this weird smile on his face. Which, on 3rd shift, is not noteworthy.
He says "I finally came out of the closet about my sexuality."
I say, in earnest, "good for you!"
He says "Yeah, I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body".

?

That's no "2-way tie", TMH.

I fucking hate telemarketers. Being rude to a telemarketer is like a driver's license. It's a privlelege; not a right.

"Do you have this in in a size 10?"

Women's clothing department at Goodwill.

not said to me but a coworker over the phone.

"thank you for calling borders. this is andy. how can i help you?"

(elderly gentleman with a southern accent)
"um yeah, do ya'll have a drive thru winda?"

"um, this is a bookstore."

"i realize that, do ya have a drive thru?"

"...uh, no."

joshsolberg wrote:"Yes, are you open today?"

Oh, man, I get this one ALL THE TIME. People also often listen through our entire recorded spiel about what our hours are and get a live person on the line, just to ask them what the hours are.

In addition:

"Where's nonfiction?"
-I have actually stated plainly "Everywhere that's not fiction" on occasion, because there's just no better way to put it.

"When will X book be out?"
"The computer says it will be released on X date."
"Will it be for sale?"

"Do you have a copy machine?"
-I take great pleasure in responding, with a wide grin, "No, but there's a Kinko's just north, on the other side of the road!"

"Do you work here?"
-Apparently my nametag, hand-computer-thing, and friendly greeting of "Can I help you?" are not enough.

"Do you know where the bathroom is?"
-"Y'know, I don't. If you find out, could you tell me? I really gotta go."

Oh, and this is not even to mention the fellow that comes in and complains that it's too cold, and it's the fault of our "faggot managers." It's a breakthrough! Homosexuality is related to TEMPERATURE! Somebody tell the Pope!

More for good measure:
"The music is so loud! Why can't you turn it down?"
"Because we're trying to sell it, too."
"But this is like a library!"

The above statement is precisely what is wrong with EVERY FUCKING CUSTOMER that comes into the damn store: They think it's a library. They do research. I had a guy come up to me and ask if he could borrow a pen and have a piece of paper. I hand him a pen and a piece of scratch paper. He says "No, I wanted whole sheets." I look around and find a flier, and say "I guess you could use the back of one of these." "Can I have five or six?" "No." And so he stalked away, to use our retail items for free.

And this one, oh, this one's the coup de grace. I was at work on my birthday a couple of years ago (take the next day off so you can enjoy your evening), zoning my section. I became aware of a presence to my left, and looked up to see the biggest, bitterest, buzz-cutted bull dyke I've ever seen.

She thrusts her hands at me and growls "My hands are wet!" I have no response to this.
"There were no paper towels in the restroom!"
"Uh...we have air dryers..."
"I don't LIKE those! They make my HANDS all DRY!" (as in chapped, I gathered)
"Um...okay...I'll go see if I can find you some towels." And so I did. She then felt compelled to go to the information desk, and bitch about it some more to the lady working there. I brought her some paper towels from the break room, so she went up to the front and complained about me. ON MY GODDAMNED BIRTHDAY.

A few weeks later, she complained to a manager about ANOTHER manager, who showed her where a book was and then offended her delicate, flower-like sensibilities by walking in front of her instead of behind her. To this day, if Miss No-Gender-Wants-Me is seen in the store, that manager and I immediately flee to the back. We want no more of this she-beast.

3 years ago I worked in a big retail shop, with stuff like dvd's, tv's, vacuum cleaners, washing machines, computers,....
One day a lady came to me with a playstation 2 she bought the week before and she told me it wasn't working properly.
As I was being in a good mood that day and instead of sending her to the dept. where they fix that kind of shit, I started to "investigate" and asked what was exactly the problem.
She told me that when she was playing the cd, the characters weren't moving, nothing was happening. I was like what the fuck are you talking about, it's impossible.
After a few minutes of intense investigation, I realized she bought a PS2 thinking it was a dvd player and she bought the game "Prince Of Persia" thinking it was a movie.
I forced myself not to laugh out loud, I was imagining her inserting the game and then watching it, without even having plugged the joystick.
She told me that after watching the game for at least 30 minutes, she gave up.

Poor ignorent lady!!!! And none of my colleagues remembered her, she didn't ask for any help when she purchased it, so I couldn't do anything for her and went back home with her playstation 2.

I used to work for a vege restaurant. So it always involved someone asking for a meat based food, either out of stupidity or because they thought they were witty.

thebookofkevin wrote:he was after half lemonade, half beer.

yeah man. the idea is that you say 'lager shandy' or 'bitter shandy', cos the word shandy merely represents a drink that is half lemonade. if you say 'lemonade shandy' it means half lemonade (the drink) mixed with lemonade (the 'shandy' element).

i also know how to make a mojito.
what? i don't think it's a gay drink.
mojito.

I used to work in a used record store in hyde park chicago. I honkey, most of the customers black, so race was a common issue to be dealt with.

Customer comes in to sell some of his ratty ass records. He puts them on the counter. I start looking at them and notice they stink like a cat urinal. They smell way bad. I tell the dude i can't use them. He asks why and i say they smell bad. He says to me

"If you say my records smell bad, then you are saying all black people smell bad!"

I just walked away. What do you say to that?