Premier Rock Forum

Is wife

https://www.dunawaysmith.com/site/about ... th-artist/

Refers to contraceptives as output impedance.

• Plays fetch with the Roomba.

• Bridal registry listed on Resources tab of Boston Dynamics website.

• Can strip 4/0 AWG cable with her vulva.

• Honda ASIMO listed in phone contacts as "My Ex".

• Refers to the drill press in the garage as a "marital aid".

• Works at Guitar Center. Enjoys it.

Never complains.

Says that electromagnetic induction is more important than anything John Lewis ever did.

There are generally a couple of ways to tell. The first is obviously form. If your spouse does not possess the general shape you would expect of a humanoid it is a good sign that while they may not be a robot, they are more than likely not a human. If you can determine they are not humanoid the distinction between robot and non-robot is fairly irrelevant as it will likely have no impact on your willingness to accept it as your spouse.

If the spouse candidate does posses a humanoid form it becomes far more difficult to perform the necessary evaluations to assert robotness. Although you will likely have an intimate relationship with the spouse candidate, exploring to the degree necessary may run afoul of acceptable conduct in such case that the spouse candidate turns out to be human. If you are willing to take that chance and proceed the first and most obvious inspection should involve the removal of the eyes. Once removed it should be fairly obvious whether the eyes are robot in nature. If they are comprised of electronic sensors or a mechanical diaphragm instead of a standard organic pupil then, given our current science, it stands to reason the eye is indicative of a robot spouse. Unfortunately, the converse cannot be asserted if the eyes withstand the tests for humanness as it would seem anything capable of creating a robot spouse would likely be able to emulate an organic eye capable of misleading anyone without advanced study in anatomy to the necessary extent that they into believe it is of a human nature. At this point more tests would be needed.

Close observation of the reaction to the removal of the eyeballs should be the next course of action. If the spouse candidate demonstrates acknowledgment of the situation while remaining calm it is a good indication they are a robot. But if high levels of annoyance, pain, or terror are expressed they could easily be programmed and should not be considered clear proof of humanity. Further inspection is required.

At this point you may test for a proper emotional response. Given their lack of sight this next test must be performed carefully as to ensure the proper sensory acknowledgements occur. First, work to calm the spouse candidate by telling them you want to show them a magic trick. The spouse candidate may may demonstrate some lack of desire to participate in the test but repeated pronouncements of the quality of the trick should eventually lead to their allowance for you to continue. Next, take the eyeball, the one that was not previously dissected, in the palm of your hand (the dominant hand is recommended as to present more fluid movement during the later crucial step of the trick) and with the other hand take their hand and place it on top of the eyeball you are holding in your palm. Some banter here helps set the mood, for example: “can you feel your eyeball that I am holding in my palm?” Pause for a positive response. “I assure you it is a real eyeball and it is yours. I must tell you it is a beautiful eyeball. It is a shame I am going to make it disappear. The other one has seen better days though”. Pause for laughter. “As I close my fist, I want you to to grip it tightly. Sort of wrap my fist with your hand like you are covering it in a warm, cozy blanket.” This is the crucial step. As you close your fingers rotate your wrist so that the palm moves to a downward facing direction making sure that their handle remains touching your hand. As your hand rotates drop the eyeball discretely into your other hand placed a few inches below in one quick and fluid motion and complete the gesture with your fingers in the shape of a fist, but not a tight fist. Leave enough space as would be expected if it were still holding an average sized eyeball. At this point the free hand should be holding the eyeball. More pronouncements are necessary: “You felt your eyeball in my hand, correct?” Pause for acknowledgement. “What if I told you it was not there? That would be pretty impressive, right?” At this point, open the hand they are grasping and invite them to digitally explore the space occupied previously by their eyeball. You should expect some sign of interest or perhaps confusion at the disappearance of the eye. Don’t linger on this too long as it can be considered cruel to withhold the prestige for extended periods of time and prolonging it generally does not result in a noticeable increase in delight once presented. Now for the important part of the test. As you move the other hand, the one that is actually holding the eyeball towards their ear, with an earnest and curiosity-filled tone remark “wait, what is this behind your ear?” Transfer the eyeball from your palm to you fingertips and starting from behind their ear, brush past the back of the ear and slide it gently across their cheek. Remember they cannot see this so the touch is very important to provide them appropriate sensation in order for them to register the recognition of the origin of the soft and wet object gliding along their face as you pronounce “it is your eye! At-da.” Before taking time to appreciate your execution, take note of their body positioning and facial expression and look for any sign of wonder or excitement. Hands clapping, eyebrows raised, or even a giggle are expressions indicative of these expected emotions. The absence of any sign of at least one of these reactions is a clear indication that your spouse is a robot.

Jon