Premier Rock Forum

dear things i hate to admit by victims family
if you were a girl, i'd be the happiest guy in the world. i would be happy that i have found a treasure of nature so different than all the other things in the world that anyone (but me) recognizes the beauty of its nature. i'm sure you would be great in bed too, so i would feel suprerior to the other guys who are quite happy with their sexual life but they aren't even aware of heights we would reach together every night. of course, you would be faithful to me, so your treasure would be mine forever.
the problem is, you are not a girl. you are an album, so i want everyone to have a great sex with you... but no one wants to. everyone is having sex with other girls, who, thats true, are great,, but you are no worse. so please, start being attractive to other people cause it seems i am single in my desire for you... and it makes me feel retarded. please.

burun wrote:Dear Hairway To Steven:

For years, I listened to you on the wrong speed.

Being wrong never sounded so right.

Love, Jodi

I could write the exact same letter to Locust Abortion Technician

dear Dim Mak by my former band shockwave rider, in spite of my involvement with your making, i say you're a fine album. it's a shame only 10 people will ever hear it. even though i posted it in the sendspace thread along with all the songs my other old band ,AuAu, ever recorded.

i guess my new band will just have to hit people over the head with music.

Dear Music To Make Love To Your Old Lady By by Lovage,

Bathe Jennifer Charles, anoint her with precious oils, and bring her to me.


Solid,
Ty Webb

Dear The Greatest Gift by Scratch Acid,

If listening to you is wrong, I don't ever wanna be right.

You make me scrrecch and boogaloo all around like a crazy wino. Especially when I'm driving.

We've been together for a few years, but this is only the start of a beautiful friendship. - SecondEdition

P.S. Just how did you get that guitar sound?

Ty Webb wrote:Dear Music To Make Love To Your Old Lady By by Lovage,

Bathe Jennifer Charles, anoint her with precious oils, and bring her to me.


Solid,
Ty Webb

Thank you for this. Used to have this album and forgot all about it. Never did an image search for jennifer charles though--much more gratifying than a mike patton image search!

TO: Pavement

RE: Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain

Please be advised a cease and desist order has been issued regarding the above referenced album retroactive to the release date of February 2, 1994. If you continue to rehearse, perform, record or consider trash like this (collectively or individually) you will be considered in contempt of this order and you will be remanded to a higher court of opinion.

The reasons for this order are many and severe. Your astonishing lack of effort and originality are noted. However, the influence you've chosen to exert over countless impressionable dickheads is this court's major objection. Your lazy sing-songery and general douchebaggery put a quiet stamp on the mid 1990's and influenced millions of frat guys to the evil ways of wuss rock. The soft-witted wisenheimery of your lyrics and your unapologetically banal music ushered in a new era of "acceptable" indie music to the mid 90's college scene that was not requested, nor welcome to the punk rock scene. These streams should have never crossed and any residual overlapping is unforgivable. This court reserves the right to cast further stones at your body of work and will consider future charges against your back catalogue.

Judge Silas T. Pennypacker

TO: Pavement

RE: Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain (and any other albums)

Please be advised that the cease and desist order ordered by the Reverend Judge Silas T. Pennypacker III Esquire has been overturned on appeal by a higher court.

Your astonishing lack of effort and lazy sing-songery are the essential representations of the ennui, disenchantment, and slackerdom that came to infiltrate and subjugate parts of the music scene post February 2, 1994. Whether you were the catalyst for this change, or merely the usher who guided it to the box seat where it became firmly ensconced is a moot point. Your soft-witted wisenheimery and insidious fuck-wittery may or may not have anything to do with the punk rock scene, and did you really give a fuck anyway?

Steve Malkmus, having met you several times, you yourself as an individual entity may be a total douchebag. Pavement as a whole, may not have been of the same quality of some of your contemporaries, or have been as vital as some of your contemporaries, or even really and truly rocked/not rocked. However, you occupied that vague and banal vagueness which is your bailiwick with affirmed apathy, and for this, we must, unfortunately or not, salute you.

You represent we do not know what, but we cannot deny you your as of yet to be decided place in our collective personal histories, despite bitter memories of ex-girlfriends/boyfriends who may have been totally and emphatically enthralled by your questionable talent.

Carry on Not Carrying On.

Captain Judge Alfred R. Oligarch IV

So I gues this will be remanded to the Supreme Court of Opinion.

JMoffitt wrote:So I gues this will be remanded to the Supreme Court of Opinion.

Ultimately, yes.

While sympathizing with some of Judge Pennypacker's points, it really looks like the Court of Punk Rock has overstepped it's jurisdiction there. Furthermore, Pavement would be entitled to a jury of their peers, and assembling 12 apathetic febrile slackers is an impossible task, so the case will probably have to be thrown out.

It was a good letter just the same though.

(I will add that in the First Court of JMoffitt, however, Judge Pennypacker's ruling is indisputable and final.)