working at Virgin:

"Can I play CDs in my tape player?"

"where are your cowboys?"

"Can you recommend me the best Shannon Tweed film?"

"Do you have any experimental recordings of steam trains or steam boats from the early part of the nineteenth century?"

working at Social Services:

"Where's that cunt? Let me talk to that cunt."

(woman crying hysterically) "hello, I, oh I'm sorry I'm just too upset...I... well, it's about my son, he's 14 years old, oh, oh, he used to be such a nice boy, but, oh.... sorry.. I don't know where to begin...
(me) that's ok. just take a few deep breaths and let me know what's happened and I'm sure we'll have someone here who can help you.
(woman) I just walked in to his room and he was in front of his computer masturbating!! [sobs maniacally]"

but my all-time favourite, back at Virgin:

"Can I ask as stupid question? What is these bags?"

This is a stupid tourist question, but working in Canmore (just out of Banff National Park) a man once asked me "When do the deers turn into elk?"

I was tempted to say "at about 4:30," but I think I said "usually in December."

crazy people:

1) i look up from the counter on a slow night--otherwise empty store--and this woman with totally blown-out, frizzy black/grey hair is standing just inside the open front door. her hair is totally flat on one side like she's been sleeping on it.

'the cats and bats are out tonight,' she says, hissing the 's' sounds at the end of 'cats' and 'bats.' then she left.

2) sister henrietta danube pinckney was this crazy broad who used to come into the store wearing a sari-like thing. she usually had a head wrap of some sort, and often she had a dot or something similar on her forehead (painted in w/lipstick). she had many classics, which i have archived someplace, but these spring to mind:

'do you have red and black texaco?'

'can you help me determine the history of the japanese shakuhachi flute?'

'are you sad sometimes?'

"can you turn the bass up?"

"so what plug ins do you have?"

"you can fix that right?"

"i think it is the tubes?"

"i dunno?"

Shit -

I don't even know where to begin......

I currently work as a support tech. for a fairly large-sized consumer electronics manufacturer. Most of my day is spent fielding phone calls from our dealers/installers and customers. Aside from the standard " did you plug it in? " questions I have to ask, a lot of the inquiries I receive are just absurd.

Read the fucking manual!!!!!!!

Yesterday:

Installer: "Can you tell me where to plug the video output of x model receiver into x model televison".

me: "Sure, use an RCA/composite cable to connect from the "To T.V." output from the back of the receiver to any open input on the television"

Installer: "What's an RCA/composite cable?"

So these guys are supposed to be trained, somewhat educated, and prepared to take on these large-scale projects, but they don't even know what a fucking RCA cable is!!!!

me: "Is it possible that I can talk to someone who knows the difference between cables?

Installer: "I'm the only one here - you will have to talk to me"

me: "Great! Welcome to audio school, I will be your instructor in cable management and differentiation. Find the nearest cable to you that has one big pin sticking out of the center. Hint: you probably have these in your own home."

Installer: "Oh, you mean a Monster cable????"

me: "Yes, a Monster cable"

This phone call goes on for over a 30 minutes,and I have to walk him through every connection of every output on the back of our receiver. I eventually find out that this installer is working up a system for one of the executives of AOL!

This guy is probably bringing in about three times my salary, and has absolutely no idea of what the hell he's doing.

Idiots. All of them

I'm looking for a new job.
[/i]

I used to work the board at a country radio station in Oshkosh, WI. Part of my job was running the board during Packer games (we'd get the satellite signal from WTMJ in Milwaukee and relay it for our rural country audience). The games were called in expert fashion by Jim Irwin and Max "I caught the first ever super bowl touchdown while hung over" McGee. Anyway, i'm running commercials when the phone rings.

(me): "WPKR."
(old lady): "Yes, i was wondering if i could talk to Jim and Max and tell them what a nice job they're doing?"
(me): "Um, i'm sorry, but they're not in the studio with me. They're at the game."
(old lady): (obviously confused by this witchcraft wherein someone makes words come out of the talking box while nowhere near the station!!) "Uh.......Oh........Well, goodbye then."

Later on, i went to work at an oldies station doing overnights.

(drunk man): "Um, Yeah...there was this band called The Wayward Douchebags back in '73 they put out this great record and there was a song on it called "Gotta Get You Back to My Meth Lab" and it had this great guitar intro on it and i was wondering if you cluld play that."
(me): (realizing that all our oldies are on mix cds from a servicer and we have no complete albums, let along something from an obscure band our focus groups wouldn't remember) "I'm not sure we have that, but i'll see what i can do."

*40 minutes later, phone rings*

(drunk man): "FAHK YOU, MAN...i jush wanna hear this one PFUCKING shong and you fuggin' PRICK, you...i'm coming over there..."
(me): *hangs up*

Still when i was working the overnight shift on Xmas morning that year, i was able to sneak in "Christmas at Ground Zero" by Weird Al at 4 AM, so that was nice.

"Do you have any of Vincent Gallo's semen?"

"Do I make the cheque out to Mr Rent Boy"



Shit

During my high school years, I worked in a puffy pink cloud of a chocolate shop called the "Yum Yum Tree" in suburban Cleveland. I looked pretty ridiculous at this point in my life, with big black and/or white hair and jewelry from the hardware store, etc. so people staring at me was not a big shocker. One fine day, a decked out black gentleman in his mid-40's stood at the end aisle facing the register and candy-weighing scale I manned and just gawked at me for about 20 minutes. Not the kind of thing I usually noticed, but this dude was relentless.

I finally approached him and asked if I could help him with something. He held his palm out and said "Shhhhh!" while still staring. I walked away.

He came up to the register after staring at me for another uncomfortable amount of time. He rocked back on his heels, furrowed his brow and said "Girl, I can't figure out if you hot or not!" And then he huffed off.

itchy mcgoo wrote:He came up to the register after staring at me for another uncomfortable amount of time. He rocked back on his heels, furrowed his brow and said "Girl, I can't figure out if you hot or not!" And then he huffed off.

she was half way hot, I know that girl




























hi-fi members will get that one, Aaron Vold I love you