I won first place in the "beverage consumption contest" for my high school's spirit week!

Everyone gathered in the gymnasium, and we contestants sat on the floor with 12 small McDonald's cups (with straws!) placed in a row in front of us. There were signs to show the audience what were in the cups, but they were faced away from us, so as to be a surprise to us. The goal was to chug as many cups as you could handle. From memory, here are what some of the "beverages" were:

01 - egg nog
02 - spicy v-8
03 - generic diet cola
04 - club soda
05 - ketchup
06 - buttermilk
07 - Frank's sauerkraut juice
08 - tonic water
etc.

I was the only kid who managed to suck down all 12 of the cups!
(most of the others puked right on the gym floor after only 3 or 4 cups).

I remember RUNNING AT LIGHT SPEED to the locker room after slamming the 12th cup - my friends running right behind me and cheering. I was proud to have finished, and also to have not puked out on the floor in front of the whole assembly.

Now I did puke, mind you... but I at least made it into the locker room, although I didn't quite make it to a sink or toilet... I ended up projectile-vomiting at a wall in three blasts, with such force that I'm sure they were all completely parallel to the floor - i.e. perfectly straight out and splashing on to the wall. Also, each of the three blasts was a different color.

(Say - isn't about lunchtime? Who's hungry!?)

EPILOGUE: There were rumors going around afterward that I had cheated to win this contest. A very serious-faced counselor told me in hushed tones that she had heard that I had used cocaine to numb my mouth/tastebuds, and was this true? (W T F ! ?)

Also, because the student council didn't get prior approval from the administrators, they had to scrub up all the puke, and the contest was never to be repeated.

My daughter gave me a shirt that says #1 Dad.

I have no reason to believe that she would lie to me.

I was like #1 public speaker or something like that at my Catholic elementary school and top 10 (I don't think they ranked us) in the diocese

#1 high school baritone horn player in Carbon County, PA, 1994, age 14.

Baritone Horn! I was so good, they put me in the high school band when I was 11 years old! I probably weighed all of sixty-five pounds, and I played one of these:

I was once the record holder on my high school track team for the 300 meter intermediate hurdles.

The entire state of Illinois switched from the 300 meter low hurdles to the 300 meter intermediate hurdles in 1989. I was the first person in my high school to run the race. I held the record for about 5 minutes until someone from my school beat my record in the next race.

It was a sweet 5 minutes.

I was number one for the amount of sit-ups done in a minute in 4th grade.

I read more books than my fellow 5th graders.

I graduated with more honors than anyone else in my department in college.

Most importantly, I believe my record for the number of Saltines consumed in 60 seconds without water remains unbroken here at EA. Helps a lady walk tall.

Does hitting leadoff count? I hit leadoff.

I won a few bodyboarding contests back in high school, even got 7th place at US champs.

Arson Smith wrote:I won first place in the "beverage consumption contest" for my high school's spirit week!

Everyone gathered in the gymnasium, and we contestants sat on the floor with 12 small McDonald's cups (with straws!) placed in a row in front of us. There were signs to show the audience what were in the cups, but they were faced away from us, so as to be a surprise to us. The goal was to chug as many cups as you could handle. From memory, here are what some of the "beverages" were:

01 - egg nog
02 - spicy v-8
03 - generic diet cola
04 - club soda
05 - ketchup
06 - buttermilk
07 - Frank's sauerkraut juice
08 - tonic water
etc.

I was the only kid who managed to suck down all 12 of the cups!
(most of the others puked right on the gym floor after only 3 or 4 cups).

I remember RUNNING AT LIGHT SPEED to the locker room after slamming the 12th cup - my friends running right behind me and cheering. I was proud to have finished, and also to have not puked out on the floor in front of the whole assembly.

Now I did puke, mind you... but I at least made it into the locker room, although I didn't quite make it to a sink or toilet... I ended up projectile-vomiting at a wall in three blasts, with such force that I'm sure they were all completely parallel to the floor - i.e. perfectly straight out and splashing on to the wall. Also, each of the three blasts was a different color.

This post reminds me that it's probably a good time to crank up the .22 milk challenge again.

Here's the deal: if you can put down a gallon of whole milk during our set without puking, then you get our take from the door.

Please note that we typically play short sets and usually don't make much money. However, if you're willing to sit at the front of stage with a gallon of milk and take your shot at glory, well, then bring that shit, Ringo.

But I can pretty much guarantee what's going to happen.

There's video somewhere on the internet of a guy named Jeremy puking up an utterful during a show in 1998.

You know, anything to distract you from the show itself.

Bradley R. Weissenberger wrote:usually don't make much money.

Brilliant.

"We had 80 paying customers at $6 a head. Your cut is $18."

The Tonic Lounge in Portland is CRAP.