Premier Rock Forum

On Saturday I went to Bolton to see some bands. As we rolled down the west side of the M62, a plume of black smoke was visible over North West England. Naturally enough, this was Bolton, or rather a large tyre fire not far from the venue. Even better, in between the venue and the tyre fire, was another fire, in a partially demolished warehouse. I walked over to have a look at this, it was almost out. A group of scally kids on bikes appeared from a subway and the mouthy one of the gang began to pepper the nearest fireman with questions.

"What caused it mate?"

"We don't know yet son."

"Is it nearly out?"

"Yeah, it's nearly out."

(kid thinks, points at thick plume of smoke from tyres up the road)

"Are you pissed off you're not on that really big fire over there?"

"lisa, bolton is fucking nuts. jesus god i’m glad i don’t live there."

ha ha , told you so AND funny cuz it's true.

My brother just sent me this email:

I was on a bus this morning with a loony who was drinking cider from a plastic bottle, dancing to “Shiny Happy People” on a very loud Walkman and shouting “Yes!! Read!! You’ll break your marbles and bounce them off the walls! Diamond innit.”

Sounds like a dude.

Just heard Jessica Simpson quote for the first time:

"Is this chicken or fish. I mean, I know it's tuna, but is it chicken?"

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

From my brother over the years:
"...part of the reason i want to write songs, is because it would be racist if I SAID it."

"Black people are different ethnically." ??? WTF?

When we were watching pop idol a few years ago, a young dark skinned girl (Who i thought was mixed race), gave a pretty impressive audition.
My brother: "See, that's not fair. Black people shouldn't be in the same category. They're innately gifted."
Me:*flabbergast*"ok, let's just assume you're right. How would tell if someone is black?"
My brother:*immediately*"With a colorimeter." (at that point we only knew if it's chemistry use).
I laughed till I got chest pains.

fantasmatical thorr wrote:never mind that, is that monkey sucking his own dick?!

ILA! thanks thorr.

Does hearing it on a podcast count?

Karl Pilkington's Monkey News story involving a monkey and it's owner in Morocco who decide to go to Spain because they've done all the tourist hotspots in Morocco.

It ends up with the monkey jumping behind the wheel and driving to Spain whilst it's owner is in the petrol station.

His justification? It was an automatic.

Karl Pilkington is one of the funniest men I have ever heard in my life.

http://www.pilkipedia.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?t=4

Monkey News is near the bottom of the first post.

This made me laugh, although at the same time, it is a bit disturbing:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/edi ... 754791.stm


It's when you get to this bit that I find it funny (apart from the obvious murder):

David Douglas died from serious head injuries after he was attacked on 14 May last year.

One of his attackers held onto a stop sign to steady himself as he stamped on the 25-year-old, nicknamed Disco Dave.......

...The victim told another passenger he was going to get off the bus and confront the youths.

As he did so, he took off his clothing above the waist, leaving him barechested.

Advocate depute Bernard Ablett, prosecuting, said: "He passed a witness who heard him muttering aloud: 'Dinnae ken who these wee p****s think they are. Dae they know Disco Dave fae up toon?'"

A friend of mine e-mailed me a link to this personal ad:

I like kinky stuff
http://minneapolis.craigslist.org/cas/158902696.html

The best thing in it is the one-word sentence "Forever."

ctrl-s wrote:A friend of mine e-mailed me a link to this personal ad:

I like kinky stuff
http://minneapolis.craigslist.org/cas/158902696.html

The best thing in it is the one-word sentence "Forever."

It's from a film. Me and You and Everyone We Know.