Quotations attributed to Spooner include:

* "The Lord is a shoving leopard" ("loving shepherd")
* "It is kisstomary to cuss the bride" ("customary to kiss")
* "Mardon me, padam, this pie is occupewed. Can I sew you to another sheet?" (Pardon me, madam, this pew is occupied. Can I show you to another seat?")
* To a student: "You have hissed all my mystery lectures, and were caught fighting a liar in the quad. Having tasted two worms, you will leave by the next town drain" ("missed ... history," "lighting a fire," "wasted two terms," "down train")
* To a lady at a college reception: "You'll soon be had as a matter of course" ("mad as a Hatter, of course")
* "Let us raise our glasses to the queer old Dean" ("dear old queen")
* "We'll have the hags flung out" ("flags hung")
* "a half-warmed fish" ("half-formed wish")
* "Is the bean dizzy?" ("dean busy")
* "Go and shake a tower" ("take a shower")
* "a well-boiled icicle" ("well-oiled bicycle")

Ty Webb wrote:"The rind meels."

My friends and I have incorporated that one into our everyday lexicon.

Boombats wrote:Two pickets to Tittsburgh