Colonel Panic wrote:I hate shitting in public toilets. Not that it's a phobia or anything as dramatic as that, I just don't like to do it. I have seen things in public bathrooms that have shaken my faith in fellow man. Once in a train station restroom, I saw the letters "F-U-C-I" actually written on a wall in shit. The letter "K" was left unfinished, and on the floor next to the toilet was half a smashed turd, partially wrapped in toilet paper like a big stinky grease pencil. Apparently, the anonymous shit-scribe was only able to get halfway through the letter "K' before his turd-crayon either broke off or smooshed beneath the pressure of his hand.

It's unbelievable that there are motherfuckers out there sick enough to actually do such a thing, but when you consider the logistics...

I have done this. Colonel, if you know who this is you'll know I am not kidding.

It was also not my own turd. It was one of those pellety floaters that a friend left. I made a circle-A on the piece of paper towel the college janitor had taped to the wall with the note "if you have to rite on the walls do it here." I don't think they were expecting that particular medium.

I can't remember if I used a t.p. wrapper or if I was bare-handed, but I definitely washed.

scntfc wrote:its not about germs and bacteria, but the simple fact that sitting on an unprotected toilet seat is like touching bare asses to the last twenty people who sat there. shit flecks, dried piss crystals, ass hairs, crack sweat, dead skin...who cares if it carries bacteria, that's stuff that simply should not mingle twixt the asscheeks of strangers.

What you said. I'm fully aware there are more microbes on a computer keyboard than a toilet seat, but we have fat truckers coming in and dropping off loads in our toilets as well as our dock doors, and I'm not going butt-to-butt by proxy with Hugh "The Polar Bear" Rowland if I can at all avoid it. And sometimes you see short ones left behind, and I'll be goddamned if my bare anything touches that.

Even then, though, I'll just cover the back, because the rest of it is only touched by bare legs, big deal. And if I'm crowning before I sit down, time is of the essence and I don't bother. A drawerful of dump is worse than a fleck of feces on a seat.

If I'm at someone else's place, sometimes I'll cover, but mainly out of the courtesy of protecting them from my rectal rabies.

One of the greatest inventions I've ever seen is the automatic plastic seat covers at O'Hare.

lemur68 wrote:....if I'm crowning before I sit down.

This thread has brought me to tears of joy on several occasions now.

Marsupialized wrote:I don't know who Panic's kidding. I have been to his house and there are more turds scattered around that bathroom than you can imagine. Looks like someone had a meatball fight in there.

Come on, man you know that's not true.

You and ERawk are going to have everyone thinking my house looks like a pigsty.

Colonel Panic wrote:

Marsupialized wrote:I don't know who Panic's kidding. I have been to his house and there are more turds scattered around that bathroom than you can imagine. Looks like someone had a meatball fight in there.

Come on, man you know that's not true.

You and ERawk are going to have everyone thinking my house looks like a pigsty.

Let me attest: I had a very satisfying dump at the Col's. Only problem was the pee that squirted out the cracks of the padded toilet seat when I sat down.

Lonesome Bulldog wrote:

Colonel Panic wrote:

Marsupialized wrote:I don't know who Panic's kidding. I have been to his house and there are more turds scattered around that bathroom than you can imagine. Looks like someone had a meatball fight in there.

Come on, man you know that's not true.

You and ERawk are going to have everyone thinking my house looks like a pigsty.

Let me attest: I had a very satisfying dump at the Col's. Only problem was the pee that squirted out the cracks of the padded toilet seat when I sat down.

God I fucking hate those nasty padded toilet seats, who's nasty sick disgusting idea were those things?
Ever go in and the seat is still warm from whoever was there before you?
I cannot think of anything more vile right now.

I don't cover the toilet seat, though if there's little pee drops left I usually spit and wipe the seat off.

I do throw about fifteen squares of TP in there before I sit though, to counter splashback. Nothing worse than an explosive bomb going off and getting shrapnel on the boys.

How about some facts?

http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mtoilet.html

and

http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_373.html

and

http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a5_260.html

Marsupialized wrote:God I fucking hate those nasty padded toilet seats, who's nasty sick disgusting idea were those things?
Ever go in and the seat is still warm from whoever was there before you?
I cannot think of anything more vile right now.

Worst invention. Might as well make the seat out of that fuzzy shag lid-cover material and just shampoo the damn thing. You know when you enter someone's dank lavatory and you see they have one of those things, an old one with a million cracks in the plastic skin, and there are little triangles of the surface missing so you see the cheap foam rubber that's like a urine sponge, you just know right then that this person had a really fucked up childhood, has serious sexual disorders and possibly 6 toes or a vestigal tail.