pepezabala wrote:I will be father in around two months. I am freaking out a little ¡. I didn't really really want it now, but then it just happened (one time without protection, one fucking time!) and it was around time anyways if I ever wanted to be a father (I am 37 years old already).However at the same time I have a little success with the music and we just got a studio space for our music project granted in a great artist's place ... I had concerts abroad and was looking forward to do more. Now I am like shit, I can't continue with the music thing because I need to be around for my kid. And I feel shitty guilty for thinking like that ... well, as I said, I am freaking out a little ... But it's great to read this thread, it's good to know that there are other people going through similar things. Here among my friends there are only very few with kids ... and I live abroad, far away from family, and my wife's family isn't here neither ...

Mine was a total surprise and not planned for. I am sure 90 percent of children are not planned for really.

I had a huge mental ordeal with music/kid/music/kid. It really is a hard thing to try to balance but it is doable. I have only been a dad for a month but, you are a dad when your lady is prego. At first when your baby is just born you will want to never leave. Take a break, dont stop playing music, just maybe cut it back a bit. It is all about balance I suppose.

37.....I guess if you were ever going to father children, nows the time.
Get excited, your about to have your best friend in the whole entire world.......at least until they are 13 probably.

Congrats! With all the new dads on here, we need an PRF smoking room for cigars.

world of pee wrote:wow, i'm surprised someone asked, andwow, so much has happened in that time.i finally told all my family and friends. everyone was really nice and supportive, which made me feel better -- some of the things my dad and stepmom said were nice and reassuring. the only exceptions were that one friend who has a kind of bachelor mentality was a bit freaked out, my mom at first was all like i need a cigarette and we were like please don't, she's pregnant and then she started fidgeting with stuff on the coffee table, and certain grandparents acted like why don't you rush out and get married before the baby's born? (maybe because we'd like to plan our wedding when we're not preparing for the baby, so that we can have it on our own terms, not at the behest of antiquated notions?).i started feeling awesome kicks and the ultrasound was just totally intense and mind-blowing. we're actually doing another ultrasound tomorrow because there's a new battery of tests -- i look forward to another peek at the baby.the baby has a name and is awesomely a girl.sometimes we get stressed out and argue but at the moment i'm feeling great.the baby mama has grown mad with power, riding high on her womb-anliness. she's definitely feeling some kind of euphoria about having the baby residing inside her and already saying i wish she could just stay in here so i can keep carrying her around in my pouch which is cute but also worries me as far as the whole post-partum thing.the second trimester was really physically easy on her, but the third understandably started causing more strain. there was one night of terrible constant lower back pain. now they're testing for hypertension and preeclampsia.i've been talking to the tummy and we played her girls just want to have fun as well as some other appropriately life-affirming jams.

My son was just born sept 2. I just went through it all.

How far along is she? Make sure you guys get baby books to read, I liked, what to expect when expecting. Lots of great stuff in it.

One thing you think about that is an incredibly important choice is to think what kind of birth you guys want to have. Everyone thinks about and researches what kind of stereo,ipod,computer, and tv they want to buy, but no one really think about what kind of birth to have. We wanted desperately to have an at home birth, (before you say nay, just listen, it is worth it) but we could not due to already high risk pregnancy issues. Hopefully the next one, I never want to put a mother nor a baby through a hospital birth at all, if I could help it.

The go out and get married thing is retarded and should never ever be a reason to get married. We didnt get married and it is just like we are married, accept for the fighting and bitterness that seems to oddly enough come attached to that state marriage certificate.

Please please watch the film The business of being born. It will change your perspective on a lot.
Also the books:
Immaculate Deception by Suzanne Arms
Immaculate Deception II: Myth, Magic & Birth by Suzanne Arms.

Remember birth is the most natural thing a human being can do, as the baby and as parents. There is no need to be afraid, even though everyone usually is. Look into midwivery.

I do not know how your income is, but if it is low, make sure to get food stamps, and WIC, and TANF if you can. I guess this is if you live in the states only. Not sure what foreign countries do about government assistance.

Please please take the time to read my recent post, if you have not yet. It may be worth your time.

If you have any questions about anything or wanna talk, let me know. I know how it is. I don't pretend to be an expert but I know a good amount after all this bullshit, and after discussing with ex doctors who quit for these same reasons. It's sad and I hope your new family does not go through the american health care machine.

http://www.electricalaudio.com/phpBB2/viewto ... highlight=

http://www.electricalaudio.com/phpBB2/viewto ... highlight=

Hey I'm gonna be a daddy again in April. I have a 3 and a half year old son. It is quite a miracle that this second one is on its way so we're so pleased - and crossing fingers that it will all be OK.

What I have found out is that most doctors and consultants work on pure guesswork most of the time and either offer advice that is completely wrong or a meaninglessly random (see what happens) guesstimate. My partner has thyroid problems and they all just make it up and pretend to know as they go on - without ever giving any concrete advice as what pills to take when and what to do to help as it affects pregnancy.

A top consultant told me my semen wasn't moving at all - that there was no point in doing another sperm test and that we need IVF now - complete bullshit - I had a second test there was nothing wrong with it at all. Her eventual pregnancy was a long time coming after 2 painful miscarriages, we're now trying to keep positive.

Kids are bloody hard work - the pain of no sleep and how it changes your life cannot be underestimated. But the rewards of seeing them grow up and develop is just absolutely incredible.

Congrats pepezabala and wellsyuk!

I, too, am about to be a dad again. (We have a 21-month-old son.) Actually, my wife's due date is this Friday, and we'll almost certainly induce if she hasn't gone into delivery on her own.

wow, i'm surprised someone asked, and
wow, so much has happened in that time.

i finally told all my family and friends. everyone was really nice and supportive, which made me feel better -- some of the things my dad and stepmom said were nice and reassuring. the only exceptions were that one friend who has a kind of bachelor mentality was a bit freaked out, my mom at first was all like "i need a cigarette" and we were like "please don't, she's pregnant" and then she started fidgeting with stuff on the coffee table, and certain grandparents acted like "why don't you rush out and get married before the baby's born?" (maybe because we'd like to plan our wedding when we're not preparing for the baby, so that we can have it on our own terms, not at the behest of antiquated notions?).

i started feeling awesome kicks and the ultrasound was just totally intense and mind-blowing. we're actually doing another ultrasound tomorrow because there's a new battery of tests -- i look forward to another peek at the baby.

the baby has a name and is awesomely a girl.

sometimes we get stressed out and argue but at the moment i'm feeling great.

the baby mama has grown mad with power, riding high on her womb-anliness. she's definitely feeling some kind of euphoria about having the baby residing inside her and already saying "i wish she could just stay in here so i can keep carrying her around in my pouch" which is cute but also worries me as far as the whole post-partum thing.

the second trimester was really physically easy on her, but the third understandably started causing more strain. there was one night of terrible constant lower back pain. now they're testing for hypertension and preeclampsia.

i've been talking to the tummy and we played her "girls just want to have fun" as well as some other appropriately life-affirming jams.

sack of smashed assholes wrote:hmm, not sure I can offer any advice on how to be a dad, I'm kinda getting depressed by reading posts by the dads that don't think they can do music anymore. I have searched across this town for people to play music, and they either all have bad taste, or don't understand shit when it comes to reasoning, or writing songs. my friend I'm writing with now is a husband, and father with two kids, his wife is a nurse. were exactly ten years apart, me being younger. I have lots of free time, and just work a shitty job, while I look for my nitch. I'm young, and not tied down, no offense to anyone, someday I may want that to come my way--but we get together maybe 2, or 3 times a month. sometimes less. I'd say you can probably do the music thing if you can host, give it time, don't go in with high expectations, and if your wife can watch the little one/ones for awhile. only a few hours a night. that's all it takes. it's not like were going to tour, or anything, but shit, it's a music project, and were recording music, in his basement, and it's fun. I still forget I have to finish my beer, so he can tuck the little ones in, and call it a night, but I'd say if you don't think you can make it work. give it a shot, if you can have the patience. make room for one night a month if you get the time, and even search for maybe some younger people that aren't worried about long term band thing. find people that are interested in making interesting music, and not touring the world. were out there too you know, it's just as hard, I'd say to do something descent with all the kids these days. they mean well, but there into all the wrong shit, an too worried about trends, and "success." I kinda feel like I was born ten years too late. oh well, music will always be there, and even if you take a break, there is no reason why you can't jump back into it. don't let age be a factor. good luck PRF dads, you will rock again...

I like what I'm hearing, Sack. That's what I'm hoping to achieve at some point. Once a week. A "bowling night" if you will. Hell, I have no aspirations to do anything beyond write some songs and throw down in rehearsal with my next band, Yinz Unending Bummer.

TRIFECTA wrote:pepezabala wrote:I will be father in around two months. I am freaking out a little ¡. I didn't really really want it now, but then it just happened (one time without protection, one fucking time!) and it was around time anyways if I ever wanted to be a father (I am 37 years old already).However at the same time I have a little success with the music and we just got a studio space for our music project granted in a great artist's place ... I had concerts abroad and was looking forward to do more. Now I am like shit, I can't continue with the music thing because I need to be around for my kid. And I feel shitty guilty for thinking like that ... well, as I said, I am freaking out a little ...I had a huge mental ordeal with music/kid/music/kid. It really is a hard thing to try to balance but it is doable. I have only been a dad for a month but, you are a dad when your lady is prego. At first when your baby is just born you will want to never leave. Take a break, dont stop playing music, just maybe cut it back a bit. It is all about balance I suppose.

I'm feeling all this kids vs. music anguish. The last time I played music was very shortly after my first daughter was born. There are people out there who can keep the day job, music life and baby things up in the air without dropping anything, and my hat is off to them. Maybe I'm too old or too weak or too lazy, but I really can't conceive (no pun intended) of how to pull off band rehearsal stuff with an infant around. And there's been an infant around for 5 years now, in one form or another. Exhaustion and mental fatique. That's what it is. I'm a crummy multi-tasker. I've been to maybe 4 rock shows in 5 years, and one of them was the fucking Eagles. But I digress. What I'm leaving out is what you've already heard a jillion times. Like everything else, it's what you make of it.

My wife and I had a rough time learning how to get our first child to sleep through the night. Some tips from friends/family helped a little, but not as much as we hoped. We even read a few books back then, but they didn't work for us.

Until she was 6 months old we would put her to bed at around 7:30pm, then I would get up at 11:00pm and feed her another few ounces to "hold her over" until 5:00-5:30 in the morning when we would get up.

This was not good for my wife and I, and due to her constant stress about not producing enough breast milk (I repeat, formula is not a bad thing) she was not eating or sleeping enough for weeks. But it was as good as we could do.

For our second child we heard about [url=http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Sleep-Solution-Proven-Program/dp/0399532919]this book

[/url] and tried it out.

It says not to worry too much about sleeping habits until the child is about 10-12 weeks, or whenever they start eating around 24oz. a day.

The basic premise of the book is that proper eating habits promote better sleep at night. Our schedule (now that he's 4 months old) is 8oz., 4 times a day: 6:00am, 10:00am, 2:00pm and 6:00pm. He goes to sleep at 6:30pm and he sleeps until almost 6:00am every night. This started when he was about 3 months old. The first few nights we got freaked out and checked on him every 2-3 hours. Now we're used to it.

The book was great. It has a ton of information and is presented in a manner that makes it easy to understand.

>steps down from pedestal<

hmm, not sure I can offer any advice on how to be a dad, I'm kinda getting depressed by reading posts by the dads that don't think they can do music anymore. I have searched across this town for people to play music, and they either all have bad taste, or don't understand shit when it comes to reasoning, or writing songs. my friend I'm writing with now is a husband, and father with two kids, his wife is a nurse. were exactly ten years apart, me being younger. I have lots of free time, and just work a shitty job, while I look for my nitch. I'm young, and not tied down, no offense to anyone, someday I may want that to come my way--but we get together maybe 2, or 3 times a month. sometimes less. I'd say you can probably do the music thing if you can host, give it time, don't go in with high expectations, and if your wife can watch the little one/ones for awhile. only a few hours a night. that's all it takes. it's not like were going to tour, or anything, but shit, it's a music project, and were recording music, in his basement, and it's fun. I still forget I have to finish my beer, so he can tuck the little ones in, and call it a night, but I'd say if you don't think you can make it work. give it a shot, if you can have the patience. make room for one night a month if you get the time, and even search for maybe some younger people that aren't worried about long term band thing. find people that are interested in making interesting music, and not touring the world. were out there too you know, it's just as hard, I'd say to do something descent with all the kids these days. they mean well, but there into all the wrong shit, an too worried about trends, and success. I kinda feel like I was born ten years too late. oh well, music will always be there, and even if you take a break, there is no reason why you can't jump back into it. don't let age be a factor. good luck PRF dads, you will rock again...

ERawk wrote:cesb wrote: I've been to maybe 4 rock shows in 5 years, and one of them was the fucking Eagles.And that Cheer-Accident show at Ronny's was one.I guess meeting you was like spotting sasquatch.

You should have taken a picture.

And I should have given you and Panic a lift. It was raining cats and dogs. I was bummed out about that for a good 20 minutes.

And I'm really not even complaining about not playing the music right now. Wood Goblin is absolutely correct. If I wanted to play badly enough, I would have figured something out by now. Hard to really miss the old life too much when there's another spectacular face-plant, bizarre conversation (last night's subject: Death), beautiful piece of artwork (avatar by the Girl, age 5), or dangerous object within the Baby's reach. Hell, I could kill an hour just watching 'em sleep. That's pretty cool stuff.