The Comedy of Craigslist
751This guy is fucking nuts/comedic genius https://hudsonvalley.craigslist.org/muc ... 94791.htmlTitle: YOUNG lead singer wanted (Monticello)Dear potential rock star:I am NOT interested in performing YOUR material. I have some label interest in MY materials which are the links below. If you are not a young hungry PROFESSIONAL do not reply to this advertisement.I am an aging Producer, Composer, Songwriter looking to sign a YOUNG (20-30) singer with charisma and sex appeal who can put over these songs better than I can. I was never a singer to begin with but I know what my potential signing record companies are looking for. I need the total package which is virtually impossible to find. "A young super talented heartthrob"I am NOT looking to play small bar venues. I am looking to get you signed and perform in BIG VENUES through the record label/Management control. However, to get you signed we will need to get you on YOUTUBE and send links to my connections. I have green screen and studio equipment.CAN YOU SING THESE SONGS AS GOOD AS ME? ( I suck according to my industry connections) Not to mention, I am too old.Song #1 - AGNEShttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzUYapy04aQ&t=40sPLEASE NOTE: I could not sing this song is the proper key of E because my voice could not reach the high notes. I dropped it down to a D. You will be singing it in the proper key of E.LYRICS: When lightning strikes the sky, in the midnight. In the midnight. When you feel the winds blow high, in the sunshine, in the sunshine. The beginning, the beginning of Agnes. The beginning of her romp against the world.Oh Agnes she will strike, she's Almighty. She's Almighty. Yes, Agnes, she will strike, she will get you, she will get you. She's coming, she's coming for you. And she's coming for me along the way, and you can't, you cannot stop her. She's coming, she's coming for you. You can try to, but she keeps burning faster. She's coming, she's coming for you, with wind and rain, keeps growing stronger. She'll blow you, blow you away\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_Thunder and Lightning roars, in a whirlwind, as your world spins. Tornados and cyclones soar as she commands them, and then, she lands them. There's no escape from her raging wraith you cannot hide. You can try to run away to try to live another day but she will not subside. She'll blast you down and spin you around until you're downstream. As she blackens the sky, and the rip tides run high from the sea. You cannot run, you cannot go you cannot hide, you can't escape her. Cause you rapped her soul, by torturing and killing her mother earth\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_Song #2 - HEAR MEhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXsJbfCgGLILyrics: I don't know why, you make me feel, and I don't know why, my love is real. Cause you bring me down. Down to the ground. But I love you. I need you. Every time I try, make you understand. You get so high, look at another man. But I love you so, and I can't let you go. I love you. I need you.CHORUS: Hear me what I'm saying, then you tell me no. Hear me when I want you. Then you tell me go. I see you when I'm dreaming, lust I want to take, but every time I reach out, I feel myself awake. When I say I love you, then you tell me why. When I say I need you, then you say don't cry. Every time I touch you, every time it hurts. Every time I'm near you, you make me feel like dirt.\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_Song #3 - I SEE THAT LOOK IN YOUR EYEShttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIG2o\_3mcDILyrics: She, is captivating. When she walks, when she walks by. I feel my heart burning. When I caught, when I caught her eye.CHORUS: I See that look in your eyes, I see that look in your eyes and it shakes me. But don't break me.Lyrics: When, I see her dancing, I get all chocked up inside. I feel like romancing, just one chance, and just one night.CHORUS: I See that look in your eyes, I see that look in your eyes and it shakes me. But don't break me.I See that look in your eyes, I see that look in your eyes and it shakes me. But don't break me.BRIDGE: I wonna know, what you're all about. I wonna take, wonna take you home. You got it girl, cause there's just no doubt. I wonna take, wonna take you home, you home, you home.With these materials, I need a YOUNG front man who can look into those young females eyes and take them on their own personal fantasies. Just like Jim Morrison, Sammy Hanger, David Coverdale.....and many greats from the past did.The kids today are hungry for that "old sound" and it does not exist in today's music. Let's bring it back.http://www.LouMass.comJust like Jim Morrison, Sammy Hanger